Your Bad Movie Night Guide, Vol. 10: ThanksKilling

Special, turkey-flavored Thanksgiving Edition!

Just in time for Thanksgiving break … or bemoaning that corporate America doesn’t provide a full Thanksgiving break and you’ve got to burn 3 whole PTO days … we, the people of Flixist, return from hiatus to bring you the 10th, seasonally-flavored, entry in Your Bad Movie Night Guide: ThanksKilling.

Before we get started, please, for the love of stuffing, don’t make the mistake of viewing ThanksKilling 3. The 2012 crowdfunded sequel is in no means funny, and is not the film we’re going to discuss here. It may have had a budget 32 times the size of the original (literally), but it is also exactly 32 times less funny. 

The original ThanksKilling is the tale of five college kids who are terrorized)?) by a killer turkey that spouts glib one-liners whilst dealing death by any number of means. If undead poultry gets your goose or your gander, or if you prefer your bad movies to be thematically appropriate, then this is without a doubt the movie for this week.

Recommended uses include viewing for pre-gaming on Blackout Wednesday, or to bring your warring family back together post-Thanksgiving dinner.

ThanksKilling
Directors: Jordan Downey
Release Date: December 8, 2008
Rated: NR
Bad Movie Grade: B+
Where to Watch: Amazon

As with most entries in the series, I try not to spoil the experience prior to viewing. By providing a smattering of tidbits I hopefully provide enough here to entice you to view the movie yourself. But be warned, this movie opens on a set of boobs that prove to belong to an inexplicably topless pilgrim in the year 1621 “moments after the very first Thanksgiving.” This is likely as fair a litmus test as you’ll find to decide whether or not to watch.

COME FOR THE:

• Lashie, a more loyal dog was never known.
• Hillbilly heroes that trump stereotypes (a la Tucker and Dale vs Evil).
• Possibly one of the weirder and more inappropriate sex scenes ever committed to video.
• Bromance cutaways that are epic in execution and wildly out of place.

STAY FOR THE:

• Insane self-awareness that takes bad acting and bad writing and makes them seem somewhat acceptable.
• Hilarious indifference to the horrible deaths and maiming of friends and loved ones.
• Out of nowhere bouts of animation (that’s not half-bad).
• Extra small, gravy-flavored condoms.

FUCK

• There’s plenty of incredibly awkward insinuations amongst the five college coeds, all within blatant earshot of each other. It’s part of the movie’s self-aware nature.
• It’s also implied that Johny and Kristen have an incredibly brief (and we’ll magnanimously declare) passionate bout.

MARRY

• There’s one declaration for divorce in a decidedly tasteful fashion — this one will make you rethink drinking any coffee you didn’t brew yourself.

KILL

• PETA couldn’t have signed off on this one as at least one adorable dog and one utterly cute baby bunny bite the big one.
• One topless pilgrim.
• Most everyone else we’re introduced to: this is one serial poltrygeist.

UBER DIALOG

• “Hey guys, I just thought of something. My dad has a huge collection of books. I’m sure he has something on killer turkeys.” 
• “No shit it’s not going to be easy. He was necromanced by one of the most powerful Indians in history.”
• “Yeah, you’re right. He’s got to be dead. Unless, he fell into some radioactive waste. What are the odds of that happening, right?” — A nice tie-in to the previously reviewed Zombeavers, which also dealt with undead animals exposed to radioactive waste.
• “Nice tits, bitch!” — Because it’s what any undead turkey would say to a topless pilgrim woman.