My Expertise: Leader of men

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It was hard for me to think of an “expertise” that I might have. I suck at platforming games, I do pretty good at FPS games (but I’m certainly no expert) and I’m just very average at most other game genres. However, I do think that I have some level of expertise as a “leader of men”. I have a MAG medal to prove it. It says so right there — “Leader of Men”. Even if you get that medal, you will still not be a leader of me for I am a woman, and the medal is only for being a leader of “men”. If you are a man, then yes, I am your leader!

It’s not just MAG. In most any game I’m the one that’s always speaking up on the mic with “let’s all…” or “why don’t we…” or in less polite moments “you assholes… just do what I say” for I am a Leader of Men. I am the strategist, the Armchair General and you will do what I say or I will employ my greatest weapon — I will nag you into a quivering mass of obedience! I’ve been trying to quit smoking lately so I am even more cranky and powerful. Be afraid, be very afraid! 

I’m also often a clan leader, mostly because nobody invites me to join the clan I want to be in, so I rank up and start a clan. I make sure I send out invites to members of the Web site that want into the clan and I appoint officers. I used to lead a Warhawk and a Killzone clan and currently I’m the defacto “leader” of the Dtoid MAG clan for Raven. Proof yet again that I am a leader of men, for I am “Clan Leader”… of men!

In RPG’s, I rarely bother having women in my party especially younger attractive women like Morrigan in Dragon Age: Origins. No, I create a female character (she’s always a tank with a big-ass sword who leads the charge into battle) and my party is usually male NPC’s for I am a leader of men! I will lead them to victory and save the Kingdom, our species, or even the world.

In MAG I get a title and I’m often the Officer in Charge, or Platoon LEADER or Squad LEADER. Even without the title I will tell you what you should be doing, for my expertise is that I am a leader of men. If there are women in my squad (yes it does happen) I cannot lead them. I have no medal for that and besides, we’d have to discuss our feelings, have tea and talk about men. Then I would have to be polite, supportive and nice until she’s gone. Then I could say that her shoes were ugly or that her hat didn’t match her outfit! I am not a leader of people. No, I am just a leader of men!

I. Me. Elsa. Yes, I am a Leader of Men until you figure out how to use that mute button. Crap! I’ve been talking to myself again haven’t I?

Note: This is not a serious “monthly musing.” It started out as a rant against the use of “gentlemen”, “good job men”, the “leader of men” and “Mr. Badwrench” (which for some reason sounds vaguely sexy!) medals in MAG. But then this evolved into the idea that if they want to make me a leader of “men,” then dammit, I accept!

It just pisses me off that devs offer excuses about no female avatars because of the animations when it’s quite apparent that they never considered that women might play their game at all! How hard is it to have the end game voiceover say “good job Ravenor Good job soldiers, troops, recruits. There’s four options right there that apparently the entire Zipper design team didn’t clue in to. Still, if they want to be sexist, that can work in my favor! (and I do try to look at things from a more humourous angle rather than getting bent out of shape about it.)