Animal Crossing: Why Diva is a piece of sh*t

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_{[Happy Thanksgiving. –Mr Andy Dixon]}

This is my first informational blog post about the piece of shit, Diva.

I understand I’m slightly late to the Animal Crossing bandwagon, however, picking up a game like New Leaf is actually out of the ordinary for me. I’m not really a “sims” guy and I don’t really care for Tamagotchi, but I will go out of my way and change around my schedule just so I won’t miss an “appointment” at someone’s house later on in the day.

However, throughout my time playing, I was cursed with the demon, Diva. She is a purple, turd-covered frog who has an attitude that resembles a fat, angry, Walmart shopper.

Here she is claiming my girlfriend smokes marijuana

It’s alarming how rude and disrespectful this lady is when it comes to feelings. On several occasions, I simply asked, “What’s up?” and received a rebuttal along the lines of

“Fuck you. I hate your guts, Medo. You’re a shitty mayor and I’m going to stay in your town as long as I want, even if you don’t talk to me, write me letters, or suck my froggy dick.”

After this was said, solitary confinement was obviously the only option.

Around 4PM

4:10PM

10:00PM

After a while, I decided to go check on her, as she seemed too content. I feel as if it’s important to mention that Diva, after not talking to her for days on end, decided that she wanted to speak with me and try to sell me a painting, which of course (you probably guessed it) is fake. And of course my dumbass buys it for $5K.

My duties as mayor cannot tolerate her shit for much longer and she will not leave my town.

It is my new duty as mayor to not only pay off public works projects every day, but to mess with Diva every day.

I see trees in the future covering her dumb looking house.
I see gifts to her not getting to her,
I see lost items being fed to the shark in my room,
and I see death upon Diva.

She is not loved here.

Not nearly as much as Papi.