Abhorrently garish FPS Cruelty Squad gets achievements

In case you’re not feeling adequately rewarded while playing 2021’s existentially devastating FPS Cruelty Squad, achievements have been added to Steam that will tell you what a good job you’re doing.

If you’re unfamiliar, Cruelty Squad is jank pop royalty. It’s a grotesque and offensive-looking game where you play as a corporate mercenary carrying out assassinations in a world ruled by sinfully immoral rich people. What makes this different from real life, however, is that it’s maybe the future, and you can wear meat armor. Better yet, the meat armor works after a patch last March, but it didn’t when I initially played it.

Now, achievements will be doled out for your insignificant progress. “I added achievements. You can suggest new ones to add here, I will not add them but you can do that,” said developer Consumer Softproducts on the Steam community page. 

Furthermore, the game’s overlord suggests that the achievements are only awarded “for completing each of the levels,” but if there’s one thing I know about the developer, it’s that you can’t entirely take what you say at face value. All the achievements are hidden, so I can’t tell you if it’s true. Knowing Consumer Softproducts, there is probably one in there with an extremely painful or impossible objective. However, they say, “I honestly just couldn’t be bothered figuring out how they work,” which, I don’t know, could be entirely true.

Adding achievements to a game is never a bad thing, but I dunno. When Cruelty Squad does it, it feels like it’s insulting me.

Cruelty Squad is available for PC right now. It’s actually on sale right now, so you should buy it. As a reminder, the next game by Consumer Softproducts, Psycho Patrol R, is ready for your wishlist. I don’t know if you should buy that yet, but my instincts tell me maybe.