The world is in balance.
Balance. The opposite of ruin. The result of all things being in perfect harmony.
But this balance didn’t happen by accident. No, not by any means. The world we live in — from Figaro to the Veldt — is in balance because of me. Leaders like me are the reason everything around you is in perfect order.
On this President’s Day, let’s all take a moment to honor the greatest leader this world has ever seen. A leader that has brought protection to a world on the brink of destruction. A leader that has silenced the creatures that have sought to bring chaos to our world. A leader that has created balance.
On this day, let’s celebrate … me.
Citizens of the world, hear my words.
When I was a child living in the great city of Vector [hold for applause], I always knew I wanted to one day be Emperor of this great land.
As I stroked my great white moustache at the age of six, I thought about all the wonderful things I could do for this world.
Rid the world of Espers.
Capture a young Esper girl and force her to become my slave.
Seek to kill all those who disagree with me. [start anti-Returners propaganda PowerPoint]
Hire a loyal mage that in no way would ever lie to me about the death of my most successful General, and never even consider betraying me by striking me down with lightning and tossing me over the edge of a cliff.
So far, I have done all of this … but my greatest accomplishment is yet to come. In mere hours, I shall raise a mighty continent into the sky. A glorious floating continent that will oversee all the mighty mountains and vast seas.
You may ask: Why a floating continent? What will that achieve?
To that, I answer: If you have to ask, you must be a Returner and will be put to death immediately.
Look to the clouds, citizens of the Empire! Look to the sky and see what a true Emperor can achieve!
We stand at the dawn of a new age! The future of the World of Balance is now!
Today … is … President’s Day!
[hold for standing ovation]
Slave crowns for everyone!
Published: Feb 20, 2012 12:00 pm