Sonic the Hedgehog’s fanbase is now eating itself

Remember the Sonic 4 leaks we talked about this weekend, where I basically stated that the majority of Sonic fans are f*cking idiots. Oh what joy it is, then, to discover that the Sonic fanbase is now pulling itself apart at the seams over the one game they’ve been waiting years for. The amount of drama concerning Sonic 4 has become so hilarious and amazing, we simply have to share it with you. 

Ground zero appears to be leading fan site Sonic Retro, where the leaks and the fans RAGING over said leaks got so intense the site’s leader went insane. Banning all talk of Sonic 4, “Scarred Sun” wrote one of the most beautiful streams of hatred I’ve ever seen.

“You guys have really pushed me too f*cking far this time,” she writes. “In the past 48 hours, I’ve had to deal with Sonic 4 leaks, Sega demanding all sorts of crap from me, people posting like f*cktards over some goddamn ten seconds of video, and have been acting like fucking morons in every possible thread. Maybe it’d be something if this has only been going on for a few days. IT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR MONTHS … You’re f*cking circlejerking and nerdraging over a shitty downloadable game that even Sonic Team is not participating in. What the f*ck is wrong with you guys? 

“Sonic 4 is tearing us apart, guys, and I’m not gonna stand for it anymore.”

You read that right, folks. Sonic 4 is tearing the fanbase apart. This is a beautiful companion piece to my editorial on how obsessive fans deny themselves any pleasure and seek only to complain about their favorite things. I don’t want to imply that Sonic Retro is the only place where this is happening. It’s basically the entire Sonic fanbase that’s lost its mind, and Retro just happened to encapsulate it perfectly. This, apparently, is what a fan of something does. Hit the jump for the full, unedited rant. It’s quite something!

[Update: Story just got weirder! Have been informed that the rant was mostly tongue-in-cheek, but then it turned serious. The Sonic 4 discussion was genuinely banned thanks to the community arguing and bile, but Scarred Sun herself is a little more calm about it. So, it started as a joke rooted in something serious, then became something serious rooted in a joke. Sonic fans, gotta love ’em!]

God dammit.

You guys have really pushed me too fucking far this time. In the past 48 hours, I’ve had to deal with Sonic 4 leaks, Sega demanding all sorts of crap from me, people posting like fucktards over some goddamn ten seconds of video, and have been acting like fucking morons in every possible thread. Maybe it’d be something if this has only been going on for a few days.

IT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR MONTHS. I hold two fucking Shark Weeks—which we have NEVER had to do before now—and you are still all acting like fucking morons over this one piece of shit game. You’re fucking circlejerking and nerdraging over a shitty downloadable game that even Sonic Team is not participating in. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? What the fuck happened to the community that I loved?

It’s like you’ve all become braindead zombies overnight and are actively going after what few of us who aren’t running in lizardbrain mode. And it’s making my skull hurt (though luckily there has been no anal bleeding yet.)

I can’t fucking stand this anymore. It’s so goddamn depressing to come home every fucking night to seven new pages of HURR THIS SUCKS and HEY LOOK LET’S POST A PICTURE OF MY EGO and other crap I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT.

Seriously, there is no shittier, fur-fuck, whiny fanbase than this one. It’s sad that we’re considered the “best” of the Sonic fandom and yet this place can collapse into a cesspool of fail and AIDS over OH NO THE EYELIDS ARE WRONG THE EYELIDS ARE WRONG YOU GUYS   What the fuck? What’s with the green eye hate? I have green eyes, motherfuckers. Why do you have to get stick crammed up your ass over fucking iris colour?

Sonic 4 is tearing us apart, guys, and I’m not gonna stand for it anymore.

Therefore, this site is getting some goddamn chemotherapy to get the faggotry caused by this game. And it starts with removing Sonic.

I didn’t want to do this. I honestly didn’t. We’ve built ten years on this foundation of all being Sonic fans together working towards a great goal of awesome. But this isn’t awesome anymore. It’s just fuckbeans. In fact, this fucks up a lot of plans we had to even make something funny for April Fool’s. So thanks a lot, fuckfaces.

As a result of this removal, we have set up a parallel site called segaretro.org. It’s essentially Sonic Retro without the Sonic. Given this abrupt transition, we will rolling it out over the next day to help ensure the transition.

We have removed the General Sonic Discussion forum in hopes of grabbing the few threads left worth saving and throwing them into the archive. Beyond that, it’s gone. 

For those of you who follow our Twitter, we encourage you to sign up for the Sega Retro Twitter. We will retweet all tweets to @sonicretro tomorrow, but can’t promise anything beyond that.

So good going, fucktards. You don’t shit on Sonic. You shit in a toilet.