Gamer Grub? What? Seriously?

With TGS looming and a bunch of extra-curricular assignments keeping me busy, I’ve not been around much this weekend, so I’m a little behind. However, I really don’t know quite how I missed Gamer Grub, a snack that claims to be engineered by a “sometimes gamer” for people like us. Well, not people like us per se. Gullible people like us. That’s better.

Gamer Grub is a great tasting snack that boosts your core gaming systems—such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes. Scientifically formulated with essential nutrients and vitamins, Gamer Grub provides a healthy, great tasting snack mix that supports fast reaction times for maximum gaming performance. Eat well and prosper.

If you’re a regular reader of Penny Arcade, then you will likely have already seen their reaction to this rather cringeworthy bit of demographic headhunting, but I feel we need to immortalize this so-called “grub” in our own archives. In trying to make the snacks somehow relevant to gamers, the flavors are awkward mash-ups of videogame genres and contemporary foodstuffs. Because the term “Strategy Chocolate” somehow makes sense when you’re throwing random words around in a board room. 

Maybe I expect too much of my snacks, but I want something more robust than “Action Pizza” and “Sports PB&J.” One could argue that it’s pedantic to demand some kind of grounded reasoning in the naming of food — I would argue that calling your snack “Racing Wasabi” should have you put on some sort of offender’s register. 

If I’m going to be patronized, I want to be patronized sensibly. And yes, that blurb I posted did say “Eat well and prosper.”