Comments of the Week 85

Beauty and the Beast

Hey, everybody! Welcome back to Comments of the Week, the hot spot where all the cool kids gather round to gossip about what’s been going down in Destructoid lately. Like, oh my gosh, have you seen how fat what’s-her-face gotten? Or how tipsy the accountant gets after you give her a few drinks?

Well, if you haven’t been kicking here lately, then come check out what all the Dtoider have been saying around your back! As always, comments will be categorized into three categories:

TRUTH: black licorice is 50 times sweeter than sugar.

LOL: so… almost as sweet as my penis.

WUT?: not… not that I would know that myself.

If you haven’t check out last week’s edition of Comments of the Week, then go ahead and do that, I guess. I mean, why would you? It’s so old news now. Like, we were talking smack about this one dude, but now we’re talking smack about you.

From Review: Hue

Dreamweaver: I say, say again?

Dreamweaver: “How low can you go?” is a secret code for whether or not a hooker can deepthroat.

From Nintendo 3DS Games are 2 for $30 at Toys R Us

Dreamweaver: The type of hookers I wake up to every morning are already my reminders. 😛

From This week’s PSN sale knocks 30 percent off The Witness

Dreamweaver: Go fast to last.

From My Nintendo extends expiration period for Gold Points

Dreamweaver: If you have reward points but no rewards to spend them on, then do you really have reward points?

Dreamweaver: That’s how they get you!

From New Rise of the Tomb Raider footage shows hella zombies

Dreamweaver: “Gargoyles” are also funnier to shout out than “zombies.” Like, imagine saying to your buddy “damn, look at that gargoyle!”

From Shin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse delayed in Europe and Australia, coming in winter

Dreamweaver: Oh… region-locking.

I need to put out an orphanage. Full of tiny baby kittens.

From Grab Victini for free in your Pokemon game of choice today

Dreamweaver: …I deserve more upvotes. 🙁

From Super Mario Maker is coming to 3DS this year with a big restriction

Dreamweaver: Imagine what could happen if they worked together. Either they’d have a killer console and a killer handheld… but they both fail completely.

Dreamweaver: Like Super Mario Maker for 3DS, these comments are out of (on)line!

From Well, that’s one way to declutter waypoints in No Man’s Sky

Dreamweaver: Wait, humans don’t do that too?

From EVE Online is going free-to-play later this year

Dreamweaver: It’d make doing spreadsheets funner.

From Motorboat some boobies in Dead or Alive Xtreme VR

Dreamweaver: Like eight boobies to the face.

Wait, that’s not the actual lyrics? Fuck that!

Dreamweaver: Add “it’s snowing in Mt. Fuji.” It always works 57% of the time.

From The most WTF Kinect game yet is about becoming the perfect woman

Dreamweaver: Crackhead always cracks me up.

From Assassin’s Creed: The Ezio Collection to run at 1080p, 30 FPS

Dreamweaver: We ain’t ever getting older.

Now we BOTH got that song stuck in our heads!

From A new Pikmin title is coming to the 3DS

Dreamweaver: I’ll Federation your Force!

It’s witty. Shut up.

From Lo Wang returns in October for Shadow Warrior 2

Dreamweaver: Yeah, well, my dingus is two inches from the ground too!

If you count the crotch as the “ground.”

From The 3DS is getting a Nintendo Direct this week

Dreamweaver: Nintendo, you sly mother suckers.

From The Halo car is coming to Forza Horizon 3

Dreamweaver: “Do you have kids you don’t know about?”

Whew, good thing he isn’t asking me that.

From Minecraft for Windows 10 continues to catch up with its Boss Update

Dreamweaver: A bit stiff though.

From Toon Zelda is a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-girl

Dreamweaver: *turns hat sideways*

I know you ain’t dissing Zelda
Right in front of me
You saying she has a funny face?
You better be talking to a mirror you see

Right in front of you
Because that’s your date tonight
You going home alone with it
While Zelda holds my Wind Waker tight

…

That took me two hours to write.

From The Uncharted movie is in development hell again

Dreamweaver: I don’t know, IS IT?

From Sony’s unannounced PS4 Slim has already been reviewed

Dreamweaver: But everyone already knows about the Wii U.

Dreamweaver: What if Laura Kate Dale is just a figment of our collective imaginations, manifested by our obsessions with big butts and double whats?

And that’s it for this edition, folks! Hope you enjoyed the ride, and we’ll meet again next week. Until then, increase your chances to get your comments completely stolen by me featured in the next entry by simply saying something funny in the comments! Remember: I can do this totally do this without you… but it’s the lesser people who matter, not me.

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