Check out the Occamsdex: Kanto edition!

Resplendent black grandmother versus Pokemon

While the community blogs are blowing up with top 20 Pokémon lists to celebrate the 20th anniversary, it’s easy to forget not every loves Pokémon or even knows much at all about the bestiary. Which is why it’s nice we know community manager Occams Electric Toothbrush.

He doesn’t know anything about Pokémon but he’s open-minded about it (mostly). So we community managers got together, surrounded Occams, and tied him to a chair as we forced him to create Pokédex entries for Pokémon he has no context to understanding at all.

The only major rule is that we restricted our choices for our first shot at this to the Kantodex, the first 151 Pokémon. But as long as we choose from the initial 151, who knows what will come erupting forth from Occams’ mind when trying to describe electric mice or four-armed wrestlers.

Lickitung

Lizard fetus with ham skin. Makes up for a lack of genitals by having a long, prehensile tongue that can perform cunnilingus and dialysis at the same time.

Gyrados

Hmmm,this one looks like what a Donald Trump supporter thinks happens to Asian people when they die.

Kingler

This is what I imagine a child who has been removed from an abusive home environment drew when the police asked them to draw what their dad looked like the last time they saw him.

Farfetch’d

Okay, so this one… maybe it’s the wicked V uni-brow but this looks like the last bit of Kim Jong-un’s childhood that hasn’t been totally destroyed by the waking nightmare that is North Korea. Like it has its little wing up and it’s trying to lead the little boy away from all the hell on earth and to a place of simple innocence. But you know that it’s doomed. So basically it’s like the ending to Brazil in Pokémon form. Also, that green onion stick looks like an upside down naked lady torso.

Ditto

Happy vomit.

Lumpy Space Princess just before she goes under to get the abortion.

How a special needs kid feels on the inside.

Tentacool

A herpes sore as a hat. Also saw that it evolves into Tentacruel which is the name of my Frictioncore Slamhop band.

Mr. Mime

This is the form Death takes when Sudden Infant Death Syndrome kills an infant.

Eevee

The Final Fantasy version of the dog that told David Berkowitz to shoot those people.

Exeggutor

This is one of those spirit creatures that form when tragedy strikes on a large scale. In this case, it’s when an orphanage in Haiti was destroyed during the earthquake.

Alakazam

Pol Pot Spirit Animal. But it’s kind of a gimmick as he fancied himself a proper chef.

That’s it for the Occamsdex! Mike, Pixie, and I threw down these choices a month ago to test Occams’ knowledge. If you have some other ideas to challenge Occams on Pokémon as we go down the dex line or any other ideas to challenge the community managers on stuff we don’t follow, feel free to leave a comment below with suggestions!