Upon acquiring Lucasfilm, Disney executives immediately jumped into George Lucas’ makeshift Death Star to annihilate the cherished Expanded Universe, a collection of media spanning decades that had carried the torch for Star Wars stories between films. Ever since the acquisition, what we used to call Expanded Universe has become “Legends,” which is the Disney equivalent of that farm that all beloved animals get to go to.
The change was an attempt to streamline Star Wars by removing any question about the canonicity of these fan-favorite stories. Fans are still irate about it today, but you have to admit, it was beyond bonkers sometimes. If you think the prequels showed Star Wars at its weirdest, then it’s time you have a look at the absolutely wildest characters and creatures present in the now-defunct Expanded Universe.
Dovin Basals
The writers of the Expanded Universe wanted to explore a conflict outside the light and dark sides of the force, so they came up with the Yuuzhan Vong, a species so barbaric that the force wants nothing to do with them. The point of the force is that it surrounds and permeates everything that is, so the inception of the Yuuzhan Vong seems to indicate that some writers don’t understand their own material, but the Yuuzhan Vong still aren’t dumb enough to feature on this list.
What we need to focus on are the Dovin Basals, a tick-shaped plant lifeform that the Yuuzhan Vong uses as a weapon because of their gravity-controlling powers. Yes, instead of using the Force, the Yuuzhan Vong employ the Dovin Basals to create protective and offensive gravity fields. That seems weird enough as is, but these wacky things have a huge impact on the Expanded Universe.
You see, even though Chewbacca is alive and well throughout the sequel trilogy, he was dead for a very long time in the Expanded Universe because the Dolvin Basals used their power to have a whole ass moon crash on top of poor Chewie.
Soon Bayts
At first, you’ll likely sense nothing wacky about Soon Bayts, a completely normal Jedi who only shows up in the Star Wars comics. It’s only when you realize that he’s a Jedi Master that things begin to get weird. I mean, he remains completely dependable when it comes to his ways in the light side of the force, but it’s just a bit weird that you have a character who goes by Jedi Master Bayts.
Are we looking at a Freudian slip that tells us more about the infamous Jedi celibacy than we ever asked about? Not really. Bayts was created by writer Randy Stradley, who was just trying to play a prank on his editor, but it made it through to publication. In the end, Bayts is killed by General Grievous, who takes his lightsaber as a trophy but probably wouldn’t if he knew what we now know.
Nobot, the possible murderbot
When you watch Star Wars Episode 1, your eye might catch Nobot, a droid that bears a striking resemblance to C-3PO. He’s in that movie as no more than an unwittingly confusing easter egg, but the Expanded Universe decided to give Nobot a background worthy of a horror movie.
The EU speaks of Nobot as somewhat of a cursed entity, a droid followed by the dark side or actual evil spirits. He’s constantly roaming Tatooine for reasons unknown and, despite being just a useless protocol droid, always manages to find his way back to Mos Espa.
A vendor claims that Nobot repeatedly plays the recording of a woman pleading for her life right before she gets killed, which leads many to believe Nobot is the perpetrator.
Tarentateks
The Tarentateks feel like a knee-jerk answer to someone who claimed that the Rancor just wasn’t scary enough. Instead of big and lethal, the Tarentateks are a type of creature mostly immune to Force powers, something Obi-Wan clearly states in the first movie that influences all things in the universe.
The worst part about the Tarentateks is that you can’t just read about them and go, “phew, good thing I only have to read about them and not actually fight that dumb made-up thing.” You have to face a few of them in Knights Of The Old Republic. They suck so much that if you search for the words Tarentatek and KOTOR, most results will be about ways to cheese these things — like the clip above.
Just plain ol’ zombies
Remember when zombies were the biggest thing in the world? Star Wars needed a piece of that pie, so it shamelessly introduced actual zombies in the Expanded Universe canon.
What the hell is one of the most unapologetically R-rated monsters in cinema doing in the most PG galaxy in entertainment? Undead Stormstoopers make only a few appearances in Star Wars, and are explained as being victims of the battle on Hoth who were reanimated by a virus.
BoSheck
One of the Expanded Universe’s best aspects is its ability to flesh out random characters in unnecessarily ridiculous ways. BoSheck is present in the first film of the original trilogy, but he’s just some guy who is only on screen for a few seconds, does nothing important, and then vanishes forever.
In the Expanded Universe, however, BoSheck is both Force-sensitive and so good of a pilot that he managed to beat Han Solo’s Kessel run record. One’d have thought that these skills probably should’ve been put to use in, say, destroying the Death Star instead of having a kid do it.
R5-D4, aka skippy the Jedi droid
If you think Bosheck’s secret backstory is dumb, wait til you get a load of R5-D4. Much like BoSheck, R5-D4 also shows up in Star Wars, and he actually does something — he dies. R5-D4 is that droid whose head circuit explodes for no discernible reason — as far as you know.
If you look into the Expanded Universe lore, however, you’ll find out that his head got fried because this droid was somehow Force-sensitive. He predicted that having his brains explode right there and then was the only way to change the fate of the galaxy for the better.
Lak Sivrak, aka Wolf Man in the cantina
I’m kind of cheating because this guy shows up in the original cut of Star Wars, but he was cut by George Lucas for the 1997 Special Edition, so he probably ended up in the same waste disposal facility as the rest of the Expanded Universe.
There’s nothing wrong about this Sivrak. He’s just chilling at the cantina. I just find it really funny that Lucas must have looked at this guy and wondered if people would notice that this actor was clearly wearing a leftover werewolf suit costume and realize that he clearly didn’t belong in Star Wars.
Werewolves would be a pretty cool concept to explore in a universe featuring a bunch of planets with lots of moons. Sivrak’s erasure shows a bit of Mr. Lucas’s lack of vision.
Beldorion
When not making bonkers choices, the Expanded Universe tends to just repeat what people already seem to enjoy about Star Wars. This means a lot of Hutts tend to be crime lords even though they’re surprisingly easy to kill, which is rather problematic when you’re surrounded by murderers 24/7.
Repetition isn’t the problem with Beldorion, though. He’s not a crimelord, but a Jedi. Yes, I know that Empire Strikes Back taught us that even seemingly harmless and mad creatures can be great Jedi. Still, the prequels did show us that Yoda was also immensely skilled with the lightsaber. So, I’d really like you to imagine a Jabba-like creature attempting to perform some crazy spin moves with their saber on.
C-3PX
It’s the final entry, so I can finally admit that I absolutely loathe C-3PO and get as little blowback from that as possible. I like that creepy, useless thing less than I like Jar Jar. Still, if that helps, there’s one thing I like even less, which is attempts to make C-3PO look badass. That’s when C-3PX comes in.
C-3PX is a droid that looks just like C-3PO but is also equipped with guns. He was even employed by Darth Maul as an assassin at some point. Getting a protocol droid that is ill-equipped for any sort of physical activity to be your assassin is dumber than having Anakin build C-3PO to help his mother around the house.
If you’re in the market for a “badass” droid, you’re better off with BioWare’s efforts and the very vile HK-47, the murderbot who views all organic beings as meatbags.
Published: May 25, 2024 10:36 am