The Frighteners
(Universal, 1996)

Now that we are finally done with those last four movies, it's time to move on to a ghost story. This particular ghost story was actually the first Peter Jackson movie I laid eyes upon, and it in turn caused me to lay eyes on some of his other works, like that completely awesome Dead Alive (or Braindead).



For those who haven't seen ths movie, Fox plays Frank Bannister, a man who has the ability to see ghosts. He uses this ability, along with three ghosts that he pals around with, to scam people into hiring him to clear their homes of unruly spirits. One day, he starts seeing numbers on people's foreheads, and what appears to be the Grim Reaper. This spirit is killing the people with the face numbers, and Frank tries to stop it. He is unable to, and the results attracts the attention of FBA Agent Dammers (A.K.A. Jeffrey Combs... the guy from Re-Animator), a freaky man who has spent years working occult cases. I'll stop there, because there are some good moments in the flick that I can't give away for those of you who still need to watch this film.



This movie has some great visual effects, like the ghosts themselves. Have you ever seen a ghost bang a mummy? How about a ghost vomiting through his ears?



Honestly, if those last two things don't make you want to watch the movie, there is something wrong with you. Now go watch it.

Day 10 brings with it giant worms!

ALSO COMING SOON:
Brothers Grimm
Alien Apocalypse
Deep Blue Sea
The Golden Child

Critters 4
(New Line Cinema, 1991)

Grab your leather jackets, strap on some skiis, and practice your best “EEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY”, because we are going to jump the shark. Get ready for CRIIIIITEEEEESSSSSS IIIIIIIINNNNNNN SSSSSSPPPAAAAAAACCEEEEEEEEE.



Yes, the series that, admittedly, starts out in space, goes back for the final leg of the adventure. Of course, simply going into space has been done in the series so they had to up the ante. This is accomplished by also going into the future! See, at the end of Critters 3, our drunk turned hero Charlie finds and prepares to destroy the last two crite eggs in the galaxy. Before he can do so, he gets a message from bounty hunter Ug, who tells him that even though the crites are evil, they are forbidden from causing them to be extinct. Ug says a shuttle is on the way, and Charlie needs to place the eggs inside. Charlie does so, and also becomes locked in the shuttle. He is apparently placed into a stasis sleep, because the next time we see the shuttle, it is floating through space in the year 2049.



The majority of the movie takes place on a space ship, and there are only two crites for the entire movie (well, there are more near the end, but I wouldn’t want to give anything away... lol). Hell, we don’t even see the crites until more than thirty minutes have passed. That’s not to say people don’t die, because only three people out of the whole cast make it out alive.



And that is all I feel like writing about this movie. To me it is better than the third movie in the series, but that doesn’t say a lot for it. Of course, me being the glutton for punishment that I am, I like this movie. This is actually like the tenth time I’ve watched it.

Tomorrow, we FINALLY get to move on to a movie that does NOT include little evil furballs. Day 9 of HMM ‘10 brings us The Frighteners!

ALSO COMING SOON:
The Golden Child
Tremors
Brothers Grimm
Deep Blue Sea

Critters 3
(New Line Cinema, 1991)

It’s my third straight day of watching Critters, and as much as I love these movies, I should have watched them all in one night as opposed to stretching them out across four. Of course, if I did that, I wouldn’t have enough movies for all 31 days of October, so it would kind of defeat the whole idea here.



This film brings about a few changes to the series. Instead of a small rural town, this time the movie takes place in an apartment building in L.A. This movie is also the feature film debut of one Leonardo DiCaprio.



The death toll is embarrassingly low. It is also extremely goofy. There is a scene where a girl rolls a teash can down the stairs at the group of crites, and when it hits them they go flying and you hear the sound effect of bowling ping getting hit. There is actually a scene with the Crites in an apartment kitchen, farting, eating dish soap, and having a gay ol’ time. The strangest part in this movie is the flashback to the events of the first two, where scenes from both movies are intertwined with each other as if they happened in the same movie.



Most people think this movie is the worst of the series, and I agree with that. I still find it watchable, but then again, I love crappy horror movies. For me, the worse they are, the more I usually enjoy them. Maybe that is why I enjoy this one so much. Who knows. This one is recommended for hardcore Critters fans or people who like crappy horror movies. No one else should watch this.

Day 7 brings us the final movie in the series, Critters 4.

ALSO COMING SOON:
Brothers Grimm
Tremors
Survival of the Dead
The Frighteners
The Golden Child

Critters 2
{New Line Cinema, 1988)

I need to warn you in advance: As I am watching Critters 2 and writing this, I am doped up on Vicodin. If something that I write doesn’t make sense, that’s why. Anyway, on to the movie!



Our movie for Day 6 is Critters 2, otherwise known as Critters Babies. At the beginning of the movie, we see the bounty hunters and Charlie (the hapless drunk from the first movie) on an alien planet, hunting down a different breed of dangerous alien. They get a transmission about how a sweep of Earth shows that their job wasn’t done, and there are more crites there. Oh, and they won’t get paid for the job they just did until they go back to Earth and finish the job. They come back just as it starts to hit the fan, meet up with the kid from the first movie, and fight the crites.

Here lies my problem with trying to be spoiler free. You see, simply by mentioning the events of this movie will give away part of the ending of the first one. I guess it can’t be avoided though. See, at the end of the first movie, we get a shot of eggs in a barn (hence part of my barn fear). Of course, they are crite eggs. With this knowledge and my referencing to the movie as Critter Babies, I think you can see where this is going. This movie also has WAY more crites in it than the first, and that leads up to the most memorable moment from the entire series, but we will get to that in a bit.

First, I feel it is important to mention that this movie takes place at Easter. Yes, crite eggs get mistaken for Easter Eggs. And yes, a man in an Easter Bunny suit gets killed by crites. Here, I’ll just show you.



All of this is but a lead up to the Giant Critter Ball of Death.



Sure, it might just look like a big fuzzy boulder, but look what it can do:



Seriously, if you haven’t seen these movies, watch them on Netflix or something. You would only be doing yourself a favor.

Our movie for Day 7 is the DiCaprio-tastic Critters 3.

ALSO COMING SOON:
Critters 4
Tremors
The Golden Child
The Frighteners
Survival of the Dead

Critters
(New Line Cinema, 1986)

This movie is about one of the single most evil, hate-filled creatures in the galaxy.



No, not that one. I’m talking about the Crite. The crite is what you would get if you mixed a porcupine, an armadillo, and a blender, and then gave it a bad attitude. What’s worse is that they are almost always hungry. And don’t think you can give these guys any salad or bread to fill them up, because they are only interested in meat. Of course, they end up here on Earth.



This movie was the first that I saw as a kid that truly terrified me. I was eight years old, and this was the first “alien creatures come and eat people”-type movie I had seen. The only other horror films I had seen were the old black and white Universal movies. The fact that this movie takes place in a small rural town filled with barns, and I lived near a lot of barns, didn’t make it any easier. In fact, I refused to go in any barns by myself for nearly a year thanks to two scenes in the movie. Over time, the Critters series became some of my favorite movies in the genre, but I can still vividly remember my fear after seeing this movie.

It wasn’t until I was older that I started to appreciate the humor in this movie (as well as the rest of the series). Like the conversations between the crites. Or when one crite tries to talk to a stuffed E.T. There is a lot of funny moments in the film, but don’t let that fool you. There is also plenty of blood. There is a lot of biting going on.

This movie has a lot of what makes a horror movie fun, but then it adds to all of that by adding galactic bounty hunters, who have the ability to look like anyone they want to. There is a great scene with them at a bowling alley, which I won’t give away here(no spoilers, remember).



Tomorrow brings us Day 6, which means Critters 2 and the Giant Crite Ball.

ALSO COMING SOON:
Critters 3
Critters 4
The Frighteners
The Golden Child
Survival of the Dead

Buffy The Vampire Slayer
(20th Century Fox, 1992)

First off, I want to apologize. Originally I was supposed to do Castle Freak, but the friend I was supposed to borrow Castle Freak from didn’t come through. Hopefully I still get the chance to do a write-up on it later this month. Anyway, I went ahead and shifter the rest of the schedule up and made a change later on in the month that may, or may not, be replaced with Castle Freak.



That is how we got to Buffy the Vampire Slayer a day early. The movie version of Buffy is pretty much the exact opposite of the television version that came five years later. This wasn’t originally the case though. See, the movie that we got ended up being a comedy. The script written by Joss Whedon was supposed to be a dark, scary role reversal on the whole “helpless blond” horror movie stereotype. However, the powers that be decided the movie should be a comedy.



I’ve always enjoyed this movie for what it was, and I never actually seen the television series. I’m kind of glad about that too, because I don’t know how I would feel about the movie if I had. As it stands, it is a fairly competent comedy about vampires and the people that kill them. In this case, it’s your typical valley girl. Buffy starts out as an obnoxious snobby bitch, but she ends up an ass-kicking vampire slayer. Along the way, she saves Luke Perry and he ends up helping her to fight off the vampires.



My favorite part of the movie is the death of Pee-Wee Herman. He takes forever to die and we get a constant stream of “ooohh”, “aaaahhh”, and “ooowwww” flowing from his blood sucking lips. If you haven’t seen it, I can best compare it to that one time in Family Guy where they are mocking Willy Wonka and Peter is running and he falls and hurts his leg, only it’s about as twice as long.

This is a decent movie, but I’m not going to say it is a must-see. I mean, I wouldn’t say to go out of your way to watch it, but I wouldn’t try to avoid watching it either.[

Tomorrow brings us Day 5, and the first movie in the Critters series.

ALSO COMING SOON:
Critters 2
Critters 3
Critters 4
Survival of the Dead
The Frighteners