Hey you. YEAH YOU. YOU WITH THE COPY OF MASS EFFECT 3. The entitled f**ker who's demanding a different ending to Mass Effect 3. You're 3.5 BILLION YEARS of evolution... FUCKING ACT LIKE IT YOU POMPOUS TIT WART. Also I don't have Mass Effect 3 yet so stop trying to ruin it for me... Shall we get started?





Starting off the blog with a bit of non gaming news this week (ZING MOTHER FUDGERS ZING). The developers of the in-no-way-shit-your-pants-scary game The Dark Meadow, Phosphor Games, Announced it was going to be Free-2-Play as of this week. So yeah, if you looking for something to shit yourself over, look at the fact "Free-2-play" is still a thing and Engrish still takes a back seat in society.





I seriously can never do one blog without mentioning Valve. But hey, it's hip and cool with the kids of today so why the hell not. Rumours where abound that Valve where creating a "Steam Box". A piece of hardware designed to be a base line model PC, but with interchangeable parts from different manufacturers labled as "VALVE CERTIFIED".


The hell is episode 3 Valve?





Good news for people who like playing games that are crap until you're told they aren't. Deadly Premonition is getting a PS3 release. Titled "Deadly Premonition: Directors Cut", The release date isn't yet confirmed. Also points for originality on the title guys. what was the back up? Deadly Premonition: REVELATIONS?





So a new SimCity got announced in the past couple weeks along with Medal of Honor: Warfighter. But all that was overshadowed by the fact the directer of "An Inconvenient Truth" droped by and said "Clean your act up or I'mma have to merc some bitches Asses." Also, this is true by the way, they looked the doors so people couldn't get out.





More info got released about Assassins Creed 3 with a trailer confirming it was indeed set in the American Revolution, as well as a new engine being used. I got nothing. People went from "meh, another ASSCREED game HUR HUR DEEEEERP" to "MERICA FUCK YEAAAAAH".





Last I checked, when developers create game engines, it was a long term investment. HELL look at valve. Source has been out since 2005 and they're still using it. So why in the H-E Double L has Quantic made one game and are now showing their new engine off? Just... What the frick man? What the frick?





So World of Warcraft is still relevant? Guess I'll talk about it then. Turns out that if you invite a friend who used to play WoW and you get them to buy 2 or more months of subscription, Blizzard will give you a level 80 character. For Free. I shit Ye not.


Well hot damn that was a fun one. And to name last weeks caption winner...





ME! Because I'm awesome. And here be this weeks caption picture...





Have fun, be safe and See ya next Dtoiders.

Hey what is up and welcome to another crappy ass tasting blog where nothing gets accomplished, procrastination levels get over 9000 and you all want to kill me that little bit more painfully. Also I give advice on improving your love life, tip for this week: THEY WILL ONLY DISAPPOINT YOU. Onwards...





What on Earth caused the Pope to seize up in surprise, Justin Biebers balls to drop and Madonna to act her age. That's right... ASSASSINS CREED 3 WAS ANNOUNCED!!! "WHAT?!?" I hear you ask "A game series only outdone in it's release schedule by the Call of Duty games? Surely not!" I'm afraid So. Not only that, but it got a firm release date of 30th October 2012 too.





Following up on their money grab... I mean ingenious plan to release GTA3 on smartphones, Rockstar have said they will be releasing Max Payne on ios and android systems this year. Not only that but the game will have all new HD textures. MONEY GRABBING ASSHOLES.





In what I can only imagine people jumping for joy before changing their underwear this past week, Frictional games announced a new Amnesia game titled "Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs" in colaboration with thechineseroom (the guys behind Dear Esther). Basically, pre pair to shit yourselves again.





In something of a, how you say, SURPRISE this week, a new set of Pokemon games where announced. But not any old Pokemon games, direct sequels to Pokemon Black & White. Could it be that mabey, juuust maybe, the developers are running out of ideas for Pokemon? NOOOO surely not, I mean with such stellar stories like Red and blue. And who could forget the heart ripping, roller coaster ride that was Gold and Silver. *Pokerface.jpeg*





Alan Wake was released for PC this past 2 weeks, and in what made Microsoft look a bit fuck-nut stupid, not only did it make its money back, but did so in style. The style being recouping all PC production costs in 48 hours. OW MICROSOFT, You redface pillock twots.



Mr. Andy Dixon at his weekly MDA (Mountain Dew Anonymous) meeting


Who bought Killzone 3... anyone? Anyone at all... Well here's your chance to try out the online portion of said title for, wait for it... FREE. Yep, starting the 28th February you can download the online component of Killzone 3. The catch? Although you can play as much as you want, your character can only level up to level 10. Also all the DLCs come free if the online too. so go get it I guess.





And in a late arrival to this blog Jet Set Radio is getting a rerelease on PSN, Xbox Live and PC. Have to mention this because my twitter feed would not shut up about. HAPPY NOW MOM!


Well This was a long old trek through my wasteland of a brain this week wasn't it? So lets find out the winner from the last blog shall we...





Elsa. Congrats on the win. The cookies are in the oven as we speak Mandarin. And here is this blogs entry...





Stay safe, have fun and see ya next time Toiders.

F**K YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS/BOYFRIENDS/PROTOPLASMIC BEINGS. Can you tell I didn't get a Valentines card today? Because I totally DIDN'T GET A VALENTINES CARD TODAY! When the only thing you have to look forward to is Paula Deen and her cooking grease, you kind of get the idea why I'm wound up tighter that Paul McCartney at a Prosthetics convention. Any who, Vidja geamz!!





Not much I can say that hasn't been regurgitated 1000 times by Kotaku so here's a slimmed version:

Notch offers to fund Psychonauts 2. Like REALLY fund it. People go crazy.
Kotaku does Article on Paula Deen.
Tim Schafer say "TROLOLOL" and asks fans to fund a game that isn't Psychonauts 2. asks for $400,000
24 hours later $1.1 million dollars raised. Time remaining: 32 days.
Kotaku releases 3rd Paula Deen article of the week about how she redefined gaming for us.





Hey people still disappointed at that MMO Star Trek game released a while ago? Good, beacuse you have more disappointment, because another crappy game is on the way. Being made by Digital Extremes and published by Paramount and Namco Bandi. Hegh Daq Hoch [damn] 'oH





"Why Mr.WelshEdderz you hunk of a man", I hear you ask "Didn't we all ready have a LittleBigPlanet Kart Racing game You sexy beast?". No I don't believe we did. "Sure we did it was called Mod Nation..." SHUT YOU'RE WHORE MOUTH DAMNIT...

...

Next story.





Blizzard finally decided to stop counting the cash this week when someone... Sorry, when Valve tried to step on their turf. Basically Blizzard don't like the fact that Valve are trying take the term DOTA from them. So yeah, all we can hope for is a Kotick Vs. Newell Weiner wrestling match at the end.





Also, as of when this blog goes up, the Mass Effect 3 demo for 360 and PC is out. No PS3 demo??? Well not until tomorrow because Bioware (LITERALLY) left it to the last minuet to inform us. Bellends.


Well no one entered last week, so I'll do my own...





Yep, I'm in that kind of mood set guys. And here's this weeks caption:





Have a good two weeks my Destructoid chums and see ya next time.

What is up my Nigerian princes and welcome to another brain meltingly bad blog done by yours truly. Another fun fortnight has passed and many pairs of under have been changed. Because, quite frankly, I get shit done. Sexy blog time... INITIATE.





BIG NEWS FOLKS. Bioshock: Infinite is getting a special difficulty. Apparently it will make it so that every choice you make, from weapon upgrades to plasmids, will effect the game itself. Captain obvious ladies and gentleman.





In something that was more inevitable than surprising Resident Evil 6 was announced this past 2 weeks with a trailer to go with it. Showing all bits of juicy details which got the internet ablaze with stupid rumours, like "Will it have a cover based system?", "Who's that guy called Wesker?" and my favourite "Tits?". Also it's coming out 20/10/12.





In some news that will have Jim Sterling sticking that predator toy up his ass a few months longer to get that "Special" feeling, Aliens: Colonial Marines has been push back from spring 2012 to Fall 2012.





Well the Rumour has been in overtime mode the past couple of weeks, with Xbox 720 being at the forefront. With such juicy ones like a 2013 release date (or 2014. or 2015), it will use a AMD's 6670 chip, it will use a system that will kill used games, more kinect focused, possible reveal at E3 2012. Be warned this is most likely all crap.





Insomniac said That they where finished with the Resistance franchise this past week, making PS3 and 360 fanboys pick up arms and ready for WAR! Thinking that Resistance was finished. It isn't, crisis averted.

Last week was an awesome one for the caption, but there can only be one...





Occams electric toothbrush. congrates. Cookies should arrive between 20-30 years. And this weeks caption is...





Have fun Dtoiders, and see ya next time.

Well hello there my dear fellows and welcome to another blog in which I act out my fantasy's with barbed wire, blow torches and Paula Deen's refrigerator. Another eventful fortnight has passed and I have yet to sleep so let us begin.





For those looking for the next manly man's game in which you are a shooty soldier who shots things with guns, bad news I'm afraid. Ghost Recon: Future Soldier has been delayed until may. Originally meant to release in March, but due to Mass Effect 3 was pushed back... Oh come on like there was any other reason.





Well hot shit-a-brick with a puddle stick, those of you unlucky enough to have bought SKYRIM on PS3 (me damn well included) are in with a bit of luck. Bethesda has the 1.4 patch gearing up and ready to go for January and looks to be the one that solves those pesky frame rate issues. Well, a two month wait isn't bad.





Twisted Metal has a release date of February 14. David Jaffe pissed people off because he's David "Fecking" Jaffe.





In something that both confused, delighted and all around mind f**ked the gaming world last week, a new XCOM game was announced. This one (called XCOM Enemy Unknown) is sticking to the original XCOM gameplay formula as an isometric strategy style. So will all the cry babies stop whining about it trying to be Call of Duty now please? Thought not.





Well Dark Souls got mentioned in the same sentence as PC and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! Petitions where set up to get the game to PC and YouTubers like Total Biscuit where even giving it go. No word yet on what's happening, but get the tissues at the ready, and lube just in case.





Rumours have been flying about the past few days that THQ had cancelled their entire 2014 game line-up. No reason was given other than Saints Row The Third had sold a shit ton. Althought they came out yesterday and said that this was false due to the fact they have not touched the cocaine fund, so they're good until 2015 at least.


Well that was a long and convoluted blog, Even for me. But before I say sayonara the caption contest, and last weeks winner was...




Knutaf Congrats on that. It made me laugh a good 36 seconds. and this weeks caption is...





Make of it what you will. I call it masturbation material. Have a good two weeks Dtoiders and see you next time.

So heeey... Been a while. 3 weeks? really?! sorry about that but I'm Muslim and had all these backed up holidays and I had to use them. Any who...





Well I picked a hell of a time to disappear with everything that happened. So lets jump straight in and get this monstrosity of a blog started.





Bethesda announced that SKYRIM Has shipped 10 million copies since launch. Not bad for a poor mans WoW. It isn't even online for STD sake. Jokes aside it was the second biggest release of last year. Second only to Dark Souls.





Looks like Square Enix found themselves in a very compromising situation. They left themselves wide open it seems to being penetrated by hackers, it would appear with obvious concerns to users information. Fortunately the offenders left without anything embarrassing being leaked.





Aaa S.T.A.L.K.E.R., the game played when Fallout 3 on very hard was too easy for people. With 3 games and over 4 million units sold, when is the official S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 coming out... never? Apparently GSC Game World was being shut with S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 going with them it seemed. But the official twitter offered a sign of hope saying an olive branch had come up and perhaps not all was lost. more news is due in January. Cross those pie fingering fingers.





This ones been done to death so I'll give a brief description:

Guy called paul gets asked question about product via email he PR's for. Acts unprofessional.

Gets called out on being dick by customer, proves said person correct in assumption.

Costumer makes clear that Paul is being dick, Paul reverts into online teenage gamer mode. Is not very Effective.

Mike Krahulik of Penny arcade and PAX fame sees e-mails and paul being dick. Paul becomes provoked.

Paul acts out saying he knows the Mayor of Boston and the yellow power ranger. Also has booth at germany (???).

Mike Krahulik says paul not allowed at PAX. Mike uses confusion, IS SUPER EFFECTIVE.

24 HOURS LATER

Paul becomes quickest internet meme in history.

Loses job for behaviour. Holds former company's e-mails hostage.

Paul faints. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCLIg6WT7zM


Well that was a fun one. And the winner from the caption competition last time was... Corduroy Turtle!!!
Yes he was the only one to enter, still quite an awesome caption though:




And here's this weeks caption:





Extra cookies if you know who the guy is. And yes there is a specific reason for the choise. Three words:

TAXIDERMY

F**KING

CRAB

SQUIRRELS!!!

Be inventive this week folks. Please.

see ya next time Toiders.