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No, Nintendo, what is wrong with YOU?!
Vanor | 11:33 AM on 10.22.2011 22 comments


Reggie just got done asking us what's wrong with people for not buying the 3DS. All I have is one thing to say about that:

No, Nintendo, what the fuck is wrong with YOU. You foolishly and very deliberately killed off your two best-selling game systems since the fucking NES and Game Boy in pursuit of your sick fucking obsession with 3D output and technology. You literally quit making games that the old-school gamers that returned and were made with the Wii and DS played. While you say you want to "cater to the hardcore gamer" you refuse to release games on your console that said gamers would like to play (Xenoblade, Last Story, Pandora's Tower).

You keep making games that don't appeal to anybody (Metroid: Other M, 3D Mario), and you refuse to make the games that made your company great in the first place, and when you do, you do it half-assed and show utter contempt and disrespect for your customers when we reject your 3D obsessed gaming direction in favor of a return to old-school conventions (as Miyamoto does towards the people that keep buying 2D Mario instead of 3D Mario). And furthermore you can't even make new content, NEW GAMES, anymore. And you keep driving your existing franchises into the ground because you keep deviating them from their roots to the point that they are hardly recognizable (Zelda under Aonuma's guidance, Metroid under Sakamoto, and Miyamoto's obsession with 3D Mario even though it's expensive and it doesn't sell hardware).

When you make the games you don't want to you farm it out to second-parties who (in the case of Retro Studios) show so much more respect and love for the IP that they perform better than your first party efforts, and then you seem to underhandedly treat their contributions as though they don't exist (see: Sakamoto and Metroid Prime, and Aonuma seems to act as though the 8-bit Zeldas don't exist).

When the 3DS bombs you blame it on everything but the software direction of the platform and the games itself. You kept saying that Ocarina of Time is a killer app, but it's metered release in Japan shows that you don't believe that, and that the game itself isn't nearly as big a deal as people have made it out to be. The older games were social phenoms, and Zelda today isn't garnering that same reception. Hell, aside from NSMB DS/Wii, Mario Kart, and the games that you've made that return to old-school arcade basics, NONE of your first party games are becoming more popular ON THE BEST-SELLING AND MOST POPULAR CONSOLE YOU HAVE EVER PUT OUT.

What sickens me is that you jackasses realize this but simply don't care, even though it's destroying your company. You clowns keep thinking technology is why we play games when it isn't and has never been. CONTENT is why I play a game. Being entertained is why I play a game. The fact is that you get to have fun making your vanity games but the end result is that it's not fun for the player. Behind all that spit-shine and polish is an empty game devoid of substance. You could have still been making great games for the DS and Wii, but instead you let your obsession and selfishness once again torch your reputation and goodwill with the general public.

Nintendo isn't being run by people, it's being run by a bunch of man-children. Well, it's not 2006 anymore. The economy is in the toilet, and the 3DS has already destroyed the success you had with the Wii and DS. If you think that's bad, what do you think the Wii U is going to do your company when it tanks? And it will fucking tank harder than the titanic. Honestly if anybody in that company has some balls and some good sense, they'd can the fucking Wii U and try to go back to making the correct software for the Wii and TRY to salvage what little reputation they got left. But Miyamoto & company don't care. If it takes the Wii U to nearly break the spine of Nintendo during this economic climate, then I welcome it, especially if it brings them back to reality. Miyamoto isn't a genius, he's the fucking George Lucas of gaming, and Aonuma and Sakamoto are his Rick Berman and Brannon Braga, and Iwata is their fucking Michael Bay. The sooner this assholes are out on their ass and not making decisions in Nintendo about the future of the company that made gaming mainstream after the Atari crash, the better we'll ALL fucking be.

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