[b]Now while my tongue is not firmly planted within my cheek-space, I have a feeling some of you lot may "disagree" with the following statements, but allow me to interject: You are wrong to disagree.
That is all.
[/b]

Let me put this to you: Uno is the greatest Xbox Live game ever created. Stand back for a second, breath that in. “Did he just say Halo 3?” - No. No, no, no. And for those that are still flabbergasted by my frankly quite stupid statement, then here it is again. Please, do not avert thine eyes: Uno is the greatest Xbox Live game ever created.

When reviewing a game that holds such untold wealth, it’s difficult to know where to begin. I could lay down the rules for those who have never played Uno, but then a point would be missed along the way. I could throw you metaphors and similes like throwing bones to a Dog, but that would only serve to patronise your already-weary minds.

Uno transcends reviews. It is a perfect synergy between not-actually-playing, and light strategy. There’s a middle ground here that everyone lounges on - Uno requires no effort to play. Hung over? Uno. Forgot to eat breakfast? Uno. Uno? Uno.
There are rules involved, rules which require little in the way of practise, as the game will only allow you to play “legal” cards. It gives you your options immediately, and any confusion on your part is simply because you’re simple. There are no mazes to become lost in, no end-of-level bosses to steam your pad over, no boy who has lost his village, you simply have cards.

Cards! Can you imagine? Is there anything so exciting? These cards hover at the bottom of the screen, displaying their treasures with immediacy. They contain no riddles, they give themselves to you. These are your cards, and as powerful and charming as they look, they are both friends and enemies. Your cards are your weapons, but to win, you must lose your weapons. A careful mix of tactful selection and blind luck will make win drip from the pores of your 360, thus rendering it useless yet magnificent.

The game cannot be followed with concentration. A trance like slow-button tapping emerges from your fingers. This game is a cup of anti-coffee, blowing hot passionate steam into your face, reducing your adrenaline levels to mere dribbles. Relax, enjoy… Talk…

Oh, sweet Lord, was it really existence you created in 7 days? Or was it Uno? If it was Uno you created, that day of rest would have been the most exquisite of bean-bag relaxing moments.
Let’s talk talk. Talking is a magnificent thing. Communication, in all forms, is the thing that connects us with people we know, and don’t know. Communication is a passionate art-form, a photo that can never be taken, and Uno provides you with a canvas of worldly-art.

Uno places you in a room, a room that contains cards. Uno then introduces three other people into this room. Some of them have faces, some of them don’t. Some have voices, other’s remain silent and calm. There’s trepidation in the air. Will these people be friend or foe? Will I connect with them? Will they accept my friend request, or will they shun me into a world of shadows?
Uno takes the world of seedy gambling, and floods it with neon. Throws you into a retro-futuristic ensemble of colours and numbers, urging you on, forcing you to play as you communicate with the other players, locked in by your surroundings. You are face to face with these random challengers, picked (randomly? Or by fate?) to play against you, with you, for you.

Words begin to flow like wine from a freshly smashed barrel of wine juice. A faint hello from one side of the room, followed by eager greetings from another. Conversation seeps from mouths like fresh drool from a babies mewling face.
A snowball rolls down a hill somewhere in the metaphor, rolling and rolling as people tell you of their Star Trek collection. Someone called Gr33t1ngs tells you he was once a Bus Driver in Leeds, but he got the sack for snorting poppers on his rounds and calling someone a swear.
J@ckP@nther opens his heart to you, telling you all about the time he was in the army, forcing his wife to move in with the next door neighbour, Geoff. His tears drip into the microphone as he does a Goatse at the Live Camera.

Uno. A world away from games, a world in itself. This is a room with 3 windows, a room where you can, if only for a second, take a gander into the worlds of the great unwashed, the united front of bored housewives and pregnant teens, the unruly salivation of a world who cannot abide with strict rules and quick reactions.
A powerfully rich, thought-provoking game, brought to you by the great collective conscious. Martin Luther King once said “Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted”, Uno is the pearl in Mr King’s delicious oyster.

The price of salvation is 400 Microsoft Points.

Good evening all,
As a regular user of hard websites, I find myself attracted to this place by it's immoral use of red, and it's large and needy fonts. I decided that writing my own blog here in this place is probably the best idea in the world.
This blog will most likely be filled with the kind of stuff lesser websites reject in an instant, so I hope you're all lubing the edge of your seats in excitement for the edge-of-seat shenanigans that will go on here.

Peel your eyes in anticipation, rub your crotch with vigour and get ready to be exploded away.