Hello ma luvvies.

When it comes to topic of art games, one developer is almost always brought up. Team Ico. Only two games under their belt, and those two games are considered by many to be among the greatest of all time. So, naturally I was excited when I managed to snag it on eBay for only ten quid.

And before I go on, I'll tell you first of all that I liked this game. It was moderately entertaining most of the time, and technically impressive. But I didn't love it. I didn't think of it as a masterpiece, nor that it was an important step towards videogames being more respected as an art form (not that I particularly care). Spoilers lie within.


are gaems art naow?

After sitting through a pointlessly long cinematic I was impatient to start (and also pretty confused, but I just assumed that the game was making an artistic statement or something). Despite it not giving much instruction, I'd read a lot about this game, so I knew basically what to do (and that was probably one of my most fatal mistakes when it came to properly enjoying this). And then I reached the first colossus.

It was, admittedly, brilliant. That's one thing I cannot fault this game for. These are the most epic battles in the history of videogames, and I am definitely glad I've played it just for the sake of the epic beard giant. It's just everything else where it falls apart.

The graphics are pretty, but what's the point in a beautiful overworld when there's NOTHING TO DO IN IT. Ride around on a horse. Kill lizards. Eat fruit. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if it wasn't for the fact that an awful lot of your time is spent riding around wondering where the fuck you're supposed to go. Whoever had the idea of adding long passageways with no sunlight that go around in circles forever, I want to go to their house and punch them in the face.


dis game is a art bcuz horsey dies witch is sad

When I've seen other people mention this, someone usually responds with something like "oh the riding sections are meant to be long and eventless because you're supposed to reflect on life and death and crap". Really now? There's one thing I do not understand at all and probably never will. People get sad when the colossi die? It's probably just me but I usually took them down screaming "DIE BITCH DIE" and laughing manically as they fell. I'm probably a bad person.

And that is why I can't love this game. It is a reminder of every one of my flaws. I'm impatient, I'm lazy, I'm stubborn, unsubtle and I have no sense of direction. I wasted half an hour on the second colossus because I was certain that you had to confuse it by running around it in circles until it got dizzy. That's saddening.

And now as I write this I realise...the fact it makes me hate myself is probably the most artistic thing it does.

Damn you, game.

[I'm aware you all probably love SotC so just remember that this is entirely my opinion and I'm not saying I'm right at all. Also sorry for sort-of shortblog.]

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's heard a song and immediately envisioned a video game it would fit in. I am? Well nevermind. Apologies for my inability to get a point across. When I write I either sound like an overexcited hyperactive 12 year old or so sarcastic that some people misinterpret it as being serious. This blog is the former. And for that, I apologise.

LET THE BABBLE COMMENCE.

Mysterons - Portishead

So you're playing a new post apocalyptic shooter, lost in a strange barren world and running low on health and supplies. Everything is poisonous from the nuclear fallout, and there could be dangerous mutated monsters around any corner. Plus everything is made 10 times more atmospheric by Portishead's awesomely creepy trip-hop.



Quicksand - La Roux

I was listening to the leaked Sonic 4 soundtrack the other day and was taken aback at how "La Roux-ey" some of the tracks were. Were the old Sonic games like that? Anyway, a 2d run 'n' gun platformer with La Roux songs would be win (BULLETPROOF GEDDIT LAWL). It would probably have to be made relatively easy, because, as much as I love Elly Jackson's voice, hearing her scream "GOING IN FOR THE KIIILLL" three hundred times in a row would get extremely grating.



I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys

I'm not a huge fan of indie rock, but I have a soft spot for the Arctic Monkeys. Partly because their name is just plain amazing, but mainly because they know how to write a good tune. This song is epic and if you disagree you deserve to have your eyes gouged out with a blunt spatula. Imagine ripping off some guy's limbs in a brutal hack 'n' slash with this on full volume. *drools*



Utopia - Goldfrapp

This song, like the rest of the album Felt Mountain, is almost impossible to describe. But if they ever name a genre for it then it is automatically the best genre ever made ever, which means any game with this track in it would have to be brilliant. When I hear this album I picture a beautiful dystopian future world reminiscent of "Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind" that must be made into a JRPG if there's any justice in the world.



The World Should Revolve around Me - Little Jackie

Every time I hear this song it makes me feel warm and bubbly inside. Which is exactly how I feel when I play one of my favourite childhood 3d platformers. Who remembers Croc: Legend of the Gobbos? Yeah, it's aged like shit, but the music is still as awesome as it ever was, and anything that sounds even remotely similiar is godly by my standards.

1. Capture Lickitung
2. Peanut Butter
3. ????
4. PROFIT!!!