Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome back to this fecal covered delight that is the jetting hot stream of my consciousness. Now with 100% less olives! Still might be some corn however. This week I've added topics, rather than spraying everything all over.





Family

Being a single dad is not easy. Especially on mothers day. I should be honored, but it really pisses me off when people wish me a happy mothers day.

I was dropping my daughter off at school the other day and saw this 4th grader wearing a CoD shirt. I almost jumped out of the car and started screaming cuss words at him and calling him a noob. I did flip him off much to my daughters horror. I dropped her off down the road afterwards. Bad choices......

Ever look at some of your family at a get together and just wonder wtf happened in your gene pool?

I don't think we truly become adults until our parents die. I've really had to come into my own (more so than I already did) the past 6 months. It's weird not having someone with an answer to your question a phone call or quick visit away. Makes you figure shit out more. I still miss you dad. A lot you dick ;)





Work

Why does every fucking place I work at have a stinky foreign guy. Country, race, etc. don't matter. He's foreign and he smells like a garbage can that's full and sitting in 100 degree weather, stuffed with onions. Fuck you foreign guy. At least this one's nice.

There is a gorgeous red head there. I think she digs me. I just wish I didn't hate vaginas so much right now. She doesn't strike me as the hit it and quit it type. All in due time penis. Thank god for asian hookers.

I love crop dusting aisles. Especially after taco night.

I also enjoy setting Lemon Party as the home page on co-workers laptops.





Random


Why do fat people get diet soda with their huge meals? It doesn't help and it tastes like shit. Fucking indulge those extra 300 calories. It doesn't matter.

Do some men actually cum in their socks? Wouldn't it weird you out, even after washing them? Not to mention cumming in a used sock? Ugh. Paper towels or the shower for this guy.

Why isn't a peanut either a pea or a nut? Fuck you.

Don't ever spank it with cocoa butter lotion. Everyone kept telling me I smelled like hot cocoa.





Well, that's all for this week.

I was combing through bbains blogs (you are awesome good sir) and grabbing some indie games due to be being bored today and wanting something unique (So glad you had Ninja Senkai in there bbain, one of my favorite indies ever). I grabbed a lot of cool shit, but stumbled across this. Beautiful Escape: Dungeoneer is this little fellas name.

Here's the synopsis: Torturing. Causing pain and suffering. Taking screams and tears from a completely subdued human being.
That's the hobby of people from a community called The Dungeoneers. Dungeoneers have their own private dungeons in their homes (hence the name), to which they take strangers - those naive enough to fall for the dungeoneer's charms.
Members from this community won't settle for just executing their sadistic game. They must show it to other people. For that, they videotape their torture sessions and post it to online forums, to get other member's appreciation and reviews.

BE:D tells the story of Verge, a dungeoneer depressed because he's lost his touch with doing decent videos, and because the love of his life, Daily, couldn't care less about his existence.

Gameplay
BE:D has two distinct gameplay aspects:
--The first one is similar to a Dating Sim, in which you have to approach strangers on the street and seduce them to go home with you, mainly using dialog choices.
--The second one is more like a puzzle, and it consists of setting up your dungeon to torture your victims. Your goal at this stage is making your victim leave the dungeon completely shattered psychologically and physically, but still alive. That's what the Dungeoneers call a Beautiful Escape, and it's the ultimate goal of the torture sessions. You can also get them killed, get them too depressed to leave the dungeon, or even have them leave healthy enough, but your viewers won't appreciate your videos as much. It's all about the delicate balance between too much and not enough.

Gameplay elements are tempered with lots of dialogs and the resolution of Verge's love story.






Well thats certainly a helluva premise. I'm really looking forward to playing this tonight. I'm even more curious if I can avoid doing bad things all together (pacifist run). This is (hopefully, still haven't played) one of my favorite things about gaming now days. Exploring taboo topics and delving into peoples brains to see their motivations and quirks. I'm a firm believer that we all have good AND evil inside of us. The same man who saved a child during a fire, may also be the son of a bitch who started the fire to cover up a rape/murder. Eeessh, that was drastic, but it made my point. I've seen and done so much crazy shit in my short 30 years and I love when I find a game that challenges what type of person I am. I love all my shooters and rpgs and strategy games just as much, don't get me wrong. But sometimes you just need something different.

I used read a magazine, that had a section called random thoughts. It was just whatever spewed from the writers brain, put to print. I loved it. I can't remember what mag it was now though and its long since gone anyway. I've decided to start my own series of random thoughts, called Brain Diarrhea. Hope someone enjoys.

If not, at least I get to post poopy pics :)





Speaking of poop, don't you hate when it smells like what you ate? Like BAM! steak mother fucker. Hungry?

Soy milk is disgusting. Die hippies.





Almost time to vote. Did I really fucking see Roseanne "I eat babies" Barr in my sample ballot? FTW

I think the coffee I'm drinking is 3 days old. Too tired to care.

I can't stop playing Awesomenauts. Like I can't. It's the first game in that genre, where I haven't had hate spewed at me by pricks, just for being the new guy.

Jesus had dreads.







You ever walk off to the side out in public, so you can scratch a something private and immediately someone comes around the corner? Screw you old lady, my balls itch!

I need to see Avengers again.

I watched my son pick his nose and wipe it on his nipple and then proceed to crack up. I think thats a sex crime somewhere.

Just had to explain to my 10 yr old girl why her vagina has started bleeding and her boobs hurt. Not awkward at all. Thank god for google. My knowledge on the matter was pretty much: You somehow bleed for around 3 days and not die, hair comes in funny places, you treat people like shit, cramps and something about an egg... Yep. Ignorant until that happened. Also FUCKING 10?






My neighbor smells like a combo of old pizza and used diapers. Like all the time.

Don't you hate it when your finger bursts through the paper (Kool-Aid man style) while wiping?

At least you can then give out chocolate mustaches.

If I had super long nipples, I would dip them in peoples drinks.






I hope the Dark Knight Rises is good. Calling it now, JGL picks up the bat-mantle after Bane fucks Brucey up. Bane kills JGL, Christian Bale growls and saves Gotham after using an old school stair master.

Mmmmmmmm Dishonored 3 days after my b-day. Mmmmmmm Borderlands 2 before my b-day.

Jason Statham is dreamy

I wish Capcom would not be assholes with their fighting games.

Menthol cigs DO NOT leave me minty fresh.







Well thats it for this week. I hope someone enjoyed my ramblings. If not, suck an egg bitches!







P.S. Hows my formatting Strider?

This is the land I've cleared out for the giant stone, lava spewing dong I'm creating. My goal is finish diverting lava to underneath this plateau and start the base by Sunday. Will update.

First off this: Fucking delicious. Had no idea so many looked down upon the ambrosia of astronauts. I'm weird for liking it? No, you're weird for not liking it. GTFO.

Alright, back to the topic at hand. I've been a bad boy in my gaming life. Not all the time and not in a long time. I do have some gamer confessions though. First off, I used to cheat. Back in the old days of pc and snes/genesis I had no qualms about using cheat codes. Did that till I was probably 14 or so. Then games weren't fun anymore if I cheated. I'd still use silly codes (bighead, clowns, physics, etc.), but no more noclipping through a tough part or god mode/unlimited weps. Moving on, I've done a few things that many might consider worse than cheating.

For starters, I've never finished A link to the past. Now I love the game, in fact Im not a 3d Zelda fan really (ww and mm are my jams though), but I just didn't want to deal with alttp after awhile. Couldnt do it. If they release it on the eshop I'll gladly finally beat it, but other than that..... I'm kicking rocks at Link.

Next up. Beyond Good & Evil. Strong sexy Jade. Grrrrr baby. Yep, played an hour or two and haven't gone back. Ever. I got the HD version with Rayman: Origins on PS3, so one day baby. One day.

MEGAFUCKINGPIRANHA

I like bad games. Not just cult, hipster stuff like EDF and such. I means games people just fucking hate. Too Human? Yep, beat the shit out of it. That Superman game? Loved flying around and smashing shit. Seriously had a lot of fun. Green Lantern on 3ds? 100% completion. Duke Nukem? He's sitting next to Arkham City. Jurassic: The Hunted? Still play the survival mode from time to time. Quite a few others I cant think of and that's just this gen. No matter what though, Bomberman: Act Zero and Vampire Rain will always be shit. Christ they're terrible and that's coming from a guy who's watched Megashark vs Your mom (I think it was mega-piranha actually), with a huge smile!

I used to pirate pc games. Like bad. I did that up until around 2004 or so. Fuck I KNOW BILL! I realized what a scumbag I was being and started feeling bad. I also saw a few studios close that made games I had stolen and I guess my conscience came out. can't say the same for movies.... *whistles* Well that's all I can think of for now. I know I've done a lot of other bad shit and I'll make further confessions as it comes to me. Thanks to L3ED for giving me the idea (or rather me swiping it) and the go ahead for this blog.

Get a full time job today (Fry's doing sales) but I won a review copy of Witcher 2 for 360! Fuck to the yes. To bad my 360 is dead now though :( But.... I'll be shiesty and exchange it at gamestop and just play the pc version and review that (hell, here I come). I gotta say it was a good day. Wheres my Ice Cube greatest hits cd.......