It's been a while, but it feels sooooo guuuuuuuud...
THEATER HOPPING RESULTS - 4/19



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I have to say, this is a pretty awesome season for movies. At least for all the ones that I remotely care to see. I don't want to say that I've been disappointed by any of them, because I haven't. I've been almost routinely entertained to a very satisfying degree by all that I've watched, and it seems like there's a bit of something for everyone out there.

Parents - take your sons to see Lockout and take your daughters to see The Hunger Games. The box office and concession prices may be abhorrent, but really, how much do you think the price of your children's happiness for an afternoon or evening is? I'd say the 20 to 30 bucks would be worth it.

Also, Looper. I am so ready for your cinematic juice splattered all over my face, Mr. Johnson. You don't even know.

You don't even.



also, unicorns lol

Guys. Gals. In-Betweens. It's time for another blog.

I feel like apologizing again for my radio silence over the weeks. I have been reading posts and lurking the forums, but I've not had much in the way of input that wasn't already said. Even so, back when I had time (or the desire) to troll the internet all day, I still had something to contribute, whether it was an amusing gif or a quip of some sort. I dunno. I guess I'm just fulfilling my role as the silent-guy type that I am when everyone's talking about stuff I don't really have a strong opinion on or experience with. And even if I do, it takes forever for me to get my exact sentiments down, which I don't have much patience for lately. I've been taking my medicine, which helps me feel balanced out most days, though I wouldn't know how it's been affecting me socially from external perspectives. Mainly because I don't ask. Because cannabis.

Such is the plight of the hermit, I suppose...

Otherwise, I've been keeping busy... doing... stuff...? I just lost my train of thought hold on.



Okay, yeah, I've been slowly and steadily getting back into my writing, playing through my PS2 library (which I will report on later, maybe, kinda), watching cutscenes from a bunch of games on youtube, reading books and comics, and being in the middle of hit-and-run collisions.

Yep, I had my first fender-bender the other day, along with two other Asian men (I don't judge), and the perpetrator of the incident driving off before any of us could get a good look at his truck due to the time of day and rain. Fortunately, no one was hurt, and no one has to pay extra damages because none of us started the accident.

So I'm not taking the streets home from work while it's raining anymore. Lesson learned.

SEMI-RETRO NEWS


I did a quick run-through of what's left of my PS2 library - seen above. Not so much trying to relive the glory days as much as tasting-testing the pleasures of yore, because I knew my time with them would be limited. It was really good. Nostalgia, for some reason, is a thing I try to avoid. The prospect of associating with objects and events stenciled with "PAST" on them usually lowers me into a negative state, lamenting about the path on which Fate (or whatever) set for me, regardless of all the triumphs I've experienced, which feel sparse and minor in comparison.

Fortunately, when I actually start playing video games, good ones anyway, those feelings begin to melt away. When I am successfully engaged by a game, and have no choice but to become immersed in its world or gameplay design... I remember what FUN feels like. I don't get that feeling often anymore. Going through my library for a couple days, for what it was worth, it was at least fun.

As far as the RPGs I never got to finish, Valkyrie Profile 2 and Rogue Galaxy, it didn't feel prudent to either start over or continue them. 60+ hours in each and yet I feel so far removed from them, it's a little sad. Couldn't remember where I'd gone or where I was going, and didn't really care to find out myself, so I just youtubed the cutscenes. Then again, how many hours are in a year? And how many years has it been since I'd play them? At least I'd still recommend them, because the stories are decent and the battle mechanics are still solid. And they're both still really fucking pretty. For last gen games, they hold up incredibly well. All the good ones do.

I think I can safely say, out of the bunch up there, The Suffering series gives me the most joy. It has just the right amount of crazy action mixed with crazy horror, and what I like most, is that they are brilliantly scripted. That is; nuanced and not over-the-top, like the rest of the game. Whether it's something that doesn't get enough credit, or is just so utterly unessential for most players; the fact that I recognize this speaks for itself. Maybe because I'm a shitty writer that wishes he could pull off something that is remotely similar in quality, but when you have cutscenes and scripted dialogue through in-game action, I appreciate it when those tools are used to great effect, and not tacked on like background noise. Creating synergy with the already established atmosphere (conveyed mostly through the graphic design) and gameplay mechanics. Two plus two equals ten.

So yeah, The Suffering is good shit.

I also realized, and have solidified, that I have an affinity toward tactical RPGs. I played through a couple battles in Front Mission 4 (which made me toss in FFT and play that a good six hours straight) and felt so satisfied by the mechanics of it.

Granted, it does feel a bit archaic now. Turn-based systems may be kind of a thing you grow out of. Especially if you, you know, have a fucking job, and a social life, it could get irritating trying to pick up where you left off and not wanting to put the controller back down. Double edged sword, I suppose.

Shinobi is another highlight. Goddamn that game is tight - in all figurative senses. It's well-paced, controls smooth, and still looks cool. Its supposed successor, Nightshade, unfortunately isn't so much. It's mostly the camera. Trying to control the camera and simultaneously stay alive in Nightshade is like trying to juggle bags of dog shit, while they are on fire. It's a fruitless endeavor unless you're a fucking masochist.

I'd like to go on, but you get the gist and there's plenty else to read down there. So let's get to it.



Speaking of things long-passed, I'd like to talk about something that was close to my heart when I was but a wee-Nihil, like a decade ago: Resident Evil. Specifically, Resident Evil fanfiction. As if you hadn't guessed that from the blog title. The Operation Racoon City trailer and just the concept itself, reminded me of my days on my first video game forum. Just the obvious and unabashed disregard for canon put a smirk on my face as I watched action scenes play out, that were so clearly reminiscent of ones that played out in my own head when my fellow fanatics and I threw our collective "wouldn't this shit be awesome" gauntlets down.

Let's take a walk down Memory Avenue...






































The year is 2002 and I've just come back from the theater after watching the first Resident Evil movie. As a fan of the games, it was promising see a semblance of the actual plot of the series referred to at the end of the movie, but we all know how that ended up... Back then, however, it was just good enough to get me pumped and scouring the internet for information.

I came across a fan site (probably the first one on the search results) via Yahoo or Google (most likely Yahoo) that looked promising. Beyond random AOL chatrooms and PC games, this was pretty much my first serious involvement on an online forum. I forget the original name of the website, but it was eventually renamed to "Resident Evil Militia" after a couple server crashes. I introduced myself as "Rabidsk8r" (derp) and slowly came to know everyone's personalities. The core members were as varied and genuine they come. And having a shared love of the franchise, our tastes in other things were (expectedly) similar - differing by personality, of course. For my first consistent message board experience, it was quite pleasant.

Having already established a pseudo-portfolio of ficiton, I dipped my hand into the fan-fiction pool with a short script I pulled out of my ass, about a team of UBCS that land on an island of infected and get promptly FUBAR. It was received well; the only criticism being that it was too short; which was actually intended, because I had planned on continuing the story... that was, before the first server crash erased everything.



After that, I was introduced to the idea of what was, essentially, role-playing. Someone comes up with a premise for a story, and recruits forum members to participate in writing the rest of it; creating their own character and scenarios to interplay with the overarching plot laid out by the original poster.

I was very intrigued by the collaborative aspect of it, and it turned out to be surprisingly fun, given the skill and creativity of some of the other members. Sometimes they even went so far as to create very detailed maps in MSpaint to give people a better geographical perspective - which helped immensely.

I think I participated in five or six at the most, over the span of a year and a half. Most lasted a couple weeks or so, when everyone had enough free time and the ball rolled smoothly. A few took several months. Those were extremely valuable experiences, which I believe somewhat honed my writing ability. And just the nature of working with other people online, in a bid to create for creativity's sake, is something I do look back on fondly. Didn't hurt that the subject matter was mostly guns and zombies and vivisections, neither, so I needn't fear being called out for indulging gay anime halfling sex fantasies or something.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I guess.

But yeah, I thought it was just kinda funny how Operation Raccoon City brought me straight back to that time, much like how a homeless veteran is brought back to 'Nam while watching insert war movie set in Vietnam. The whole vacillation between familiarity, discontinuity, and gratuitous violence; as if to take a 13yr old that played a couple installments and ask "What would you like to see in a Resident Evil game?" and they'd go "EXPLOSIONS AND HOT CHICKS AND SHIT AND ONLINE MULTIPLAYER SO I CAN CALL PEOPLE FAGS AND SHIT"

Which is not, in my mind, what Resident Evil is about. That's definitely part of it. But not the whole shibang. Not that that matters at this point, because even Capcom doesn't seem to fucking know anymore. I guess the gist is that they're trying to make the series more appealing to mainstream audiences, but it's not the same thing at that point anymore. Which isn't a bad thing, per se - but if I feel turned off by it, then obviously other fans of the previous generation games will feel alienated as well. Keep doin' what you're doing and keep the fanfiction with the fans, is all I'm saying.

Then again, I'm vaguely interested in playing it- so there's that. lulz.

COMMENT RESPONSE THINGIE:

@ScottyG - I wouldn't be able to go out there by myself. Also, I wouldn't want to sell my swords to the wrong people. Hah

@Law - Thanks and likewise, man.

@manasteel - Pretty much.

@Jaded - The thing about being true to yourself during an identity crisis... is not knowing who your true self is.


@Elsa - Hopefully you'll get to see the real me next time 'round, hah.

@Qalamari - I am elated that eloquence is exalted in this establishmeDURP.

@Steezy - I'm only badass on paper, dude. Hope to see you then!

@Bey - Likewise, sir. It was a real pleasure.

@Kaggen - You should approve.

You should.

@Fame - Watching the Q&A with you guys was definitely a highlight that day. I would have to concur, especially from experience even before PAX, that meeting any regular on this site will feel like meeting a friend you just never knew before then. Like you said, it just feels natural. One of the best feelings a person could have, really. And this place pumps it out in spades.

@Andy - It's so fuckin' quotable.

@bbain - I chose XIII because it was more aesthetic than 13. Or something. That, and I was just looking for another reason to cut on myself. I was pretty closet-emo back then.

@knutaf - I believe the word you're looking for is REALTALK.

Hah, I dunno man. I just try to be honest and entertaining.

I also curse a lot. That might have something to do with it as well.

@Chris - Exactly! I wouldn't want to make an acquaintance feel like I'm talking down to them by using sophisticated terms, like some kind of asshole. It just slips out sometimes, though, and I'll immediately try to rectify it by rephrasing. It's just good practice, I think.

@gareth - I went to "adult" school my senior year, too. *truant brofist*

@Occams - Looking forward to it, Hugh. I'll bring my beard if you bring yours.

Also, I did try out Chesterfields. They taste of regret and loneliness, and prostate complications.

@smurfee - Stolen?! Those damn honkies...

@Cait - wut

BADA BOOM

@caraleo - Fuck 'em up the ass.

@Handy - I know right? Good times.

@CT - Thanks, dude. I try to stay smart by remembering how dumb I am. It works out most of the time.

@ZP - I want to Forums, I really do. I just need more fuckin time!

@Nihil - *highfive*


*sob*

Well this seems easy enough. Less lurking, more typing.

10. Tomorrow is going to suck because I will be a student again.
It might not suck. It's just one community college intro class, and there is no arithmetic involved (not yet anyway), but it has been statistically proven over the past 20 years that academics and I don't mix. Very similar to pig and elephant DNA, in fact.

I thought I'd be able to skirt around the bullshit last time by going to a certain university and studying a certain major that I was pre-adept at, but was fucked by the general education system yet again and acquired a respectably hefty student loan debt; something I had promised myself long ago that I
wouldn't be gulled into. But as covered in a previous post, I wasn't really in the best frame of mind at the time anyway.

I'm taking it much slower and much more carefully this time around. We'll see how it goes, I guess. Whatever.

9. I lost my Blackness Card to "Bullet with Butterfly Wings".
Granted, I started losing my grasp on it to the likes of The Toadies, White Zombie, Nirvana, Bill & Ted, and... yeah, Bill & Ted did a lot of damage. But it was when I was alone in the living room, singing along to the lyrics of The Smashing Pumpkins latest hit, I remember, distinctly, the moment I made the conscious decision to toss that fucker out the window and embrace music that spoke to me as an individual, instead of what everyone else listened to; when my older sister casually walked through the room and began to ridicule me for liking white-boy music, and then made her exit upstairs with some sort of victorious smirk - as if she had taught me a lesson. She sure did. Only the effects of that lesson ended up having the opposite intended effect.

I was hurt, initially. I didn't understand why she would so easily shun what wasn't the usual hip-hip or R&B that filled the house, why she wouldn't give it a chance, and in turn, make fun of me for thinking it was good music.

Then, ironically, I became enraged.

I never lived in the ghetto long enough to fully relate to rap lyrics. I never felt like busting a cap in someone who looked at me funny, or had to hustle to survive the mean streets, or went to court to pay a bitch for child support. Never really appreciated redundant and often rehashed beats and samples under a monotone, uninspiring voice. What I could related to was feeling like I was trapped. Like I had to put on a different face when I was with my family than with friends. And I was just about fed up with the bullshit of being called out for being wrong about the material things I thought were good, music or otherwise. I wanted to yell. I wanted to break shit. And I wanted loud, crunching guitars and drums to bang my head to while doing the aforementioned yelling and breaking. And it just so happened that the lyrics were more often deeper than any rap I'd ever heard.

In those moments after my sister left the room, I said to hell with judgmental bitches and decided to embrace hard rock like a good little rebel. And thus began my downward spiral into a merciless, unrelenting identity crisis that would last for years.

Thanks, Sis.

8. I consciously "dumb down" my vocabulary in speaking conversations.
I sometimes used to pride myself on being (or attempting to be) the smartest asshole in the room, as a youth. As an adult, I realized words like "ostensibly", "intrinsic" and "superfluous" going over most people's heads is not a thing I should be a smug dick about. But sometimes it's legitimately hard for me to explain things in simpler terms, because not only do those words encapsulate (>_>) everything you need to know in one word, it keeps me from getting bored of hearing myself saying the same shit, over and over like, well, almost everyone else... It's also partly why I suck at talking, because sometimes I can't think of the word I need, nor will I know how to explain it in layman.

It's a source of frustration.

7. Some of the most amusing/reflective memories I have are from psych wards.
It's probably insensitive, but goddamn. Crazy people say and do the weirdest shit sometimes. And even if it isn't inherently odd, it becomes so because of the environment they're in. I can't really find a good way to describe it better right now. And I can't help but think that I wouldn't be able to experience these moments with "normal" people. Ever.

Wards are a very unique place, and honestly, I wouldn't mind ending back up in one; either working there or otherwise. I've never thought of myself as insane or crazy. Sick is another word I wouldn't have used (being that I don't rape or kill living things, nor desire to), but comprehending wards (good ones anyway) as a place of healing, after which spending time there I've felt revitalized, if only for a short period, the term feels very applicable.

6. I am utterly unmotivated.
I mentioned to a friend once, referring to the new Muppet movie, that I'm disconnected from my inner child. They half-jokingly replied that I'm disconnected from a lot of things. And it's pretty fucking true. Some people say they treat every day like it's their last, which makes them more passionate about everything. Since I don't care about living or dying, I treat every day like my house and everything I own is gonna burn down, which makes me apathetic towards almost everything. I've realized it's more of an emotional barrier than a conscious choice - otherwise I would be able to write more and enjoy it. I think I would care more about gaming, too.

Probably something I'd need therapy to fix. Meh.

5. I used to be a Japanophile.
Not so much anymore, but those were valuable days. I got [insert universally beloved, underrated, weird-as-fuck subcultural reference] out of 'em, and that ain't hey.

4. I sleep a lot. Sometimes I read books.
It kinda feels like I'm making up for all the all-nighters before my gaming life died down... and it's kinda awesome. Unfortunately, I don't do much else in the way of hobbies now besides websurf random shit. However, I just finished The Mountains of Madness and am on the second book of The Dark Tower series. Also making up for lost time on that front.

3. Roman numeral 13 (XIII) is etched into my shoulder.
It's pretty faded now, did it myself some time after my 19th birthday, but still very visible up close. If I ever go in for a tattoo, for whatever the fuck reason, I plan to get it modified. Probably re-scarred into a bigger, meaner version.

becus teh hardcores

I never mention it because it's not worth mentioning.

2. I have a bunch of shit I still want to give away.
Games, posters, wall scrolls, replicas. It's all stuffed in the closet but I'd just as soon toss it in the garbage if I knew it would bring no one else some kind of lasting pleasure. I was hoping to get rid of the lot of it at the end of septembeard last year, but it fell by the wayside with increased time at work and unexpectedly rising social life. I'd like to put some time aside to finally do an online garage trade/sale or something. Dude's gotta eat. And toke.

1. I am a meat popsicle.
True story.

I haven't played any recent titles lately, so I feel like I'm gonna sound like an outdated schmuck. Actually, I usually feel that way, so nevermind I guess. One of the games I do remember playing in recent memory that I was pretty disappointed with, was Hydrophobia.

I like to pride myself on having a open mind when comes to new creative IP's that aren't blatant rip-offs, and I think that's mostly because I have an active imagination. Not overactive, mind you, but pretty active. I found this was often the case when I played video games with a lackluster story, or gameplay that was not as awesome as advertised. I would make up my own story with different characters that would coincide with the game's, or I would imagine Crash Bandicoot having swords and dicing enemies up with his cartoony abilities, because I guess the game itself just wasn't violent enough for me.

As I got older, and matured as the industry did, I found didn't need to imagine anymore. At least, not as much. Most of the games I played were filled with so much atmosphere and inventive art direction and lasting gameplay, that I was able to accept them as they were. And if there were any flaws, whether just personal or technical, I'd be able to simply wish that someone address it in another video game down the line. Slim chance, but it could happen.

But I can't remember the last time I played a game that was just an utterly squandered opportunity to make something special, if not unique.

Or maybe I just don't want to, because it really pains me when that happens.




If you like creativity and synergy between a game's art direction and gameplay, then you've been through this. It's like having a focus group after the fact, coming up with added game mechanic elements or twisting the narrative, instead of just saying "make it less shitty". In this case, making it less shitty would be scraping the core combat mechanic, and returning to what it was like in the first demo; a platformer. And then go one step further to make it a Prince of Persia clone, because you are unoriginal hacks... but at least the game would be fucking fun.

I was all for doing more of the parkour-like runny, jumpy, balancing on scaffolds, and race-against-the-clock encounters through a giant city-ship on the verge of sinking. I've never done that before, never thought of it before, never imagined that that would make a solid indie game to play, but the demo for Hydrophobia made me wish it was a reality. No need for a half-assed gun-cover mechanic. No need for a generic action plot.




I can't help but wonder how they fucked this up. I mean, think about it. You already got a strong start having a female lead that isn't some busty tart with one-liners coming out of her asshole. She has a semi-dangerous occupation on board a humongous cruise ship, but with some sort of trauma in her past that involves water, which comes into play as auditory hallucinations and visual distortions when shit hits the fan.

With beautiful scenery and water effects, and intense environment-driven action sequences here and there, this could've been a great character study.

Or are you not allowed to do that in games yet? No, gamers can't comprehend not shooting something in any video game because pew pew or whatever. But if that's the case, why did this fail so fucking hard? Comprehend that, devs.

What a waste.

Even Neo-Nazis wanna play The Secret World... So that's a thing, I guess.

Old weekly musing is old. Yep. BUT. I have a minute to squash the writing bug and this will be quick and easy.

I can't say that MMO's are my favorite genre of game, but I've never not liked them. I'll attribute that to getting hooked early, I suppose, and for the fact that they, for the most part, can be played casually. From simple MUDs to Everquest, MMORPGs for me were just another notch under my Gamer belt, starting out. They're my go-to as far as PC gaming is concerned, mostly because the required specs for playing are not high-end ridiculousness. But another important thing to note is that MMOs inherently bring a level of interactivity you would otherwise not be exposed to. That's a whole other topic I'd like to explore, but I'm trying to keep this short.

I've chronicled my forays into the MMO genre before, (sidenote: have you seen Chronicle? It's pretty damn good) and most of those hours were spent in WoW. There are a number of reasons that made my experience with Warcraft a largely positive one. Alcohol may also have been a contributing factor. But suffice to say, times changed, and the need to move on was strong. So I deleted it from my laptop.

I've also mentioned that I recently tried EVE Online, which I also like, but it definitely appeals to a specific crowd that I know I'm not a part of. And no doubt you've heard of Stars Wars being a big deal again. I'd like to try that out, of course, but I'm sure my current hardware would melt within minutes.

There's a plethora of fantasy MMOs out there that I haven't tried or even heard about, and I'm sure a few of them are pretty good in some way or another. But really, I had my fantasy fill with WoW, and I really wouldn't mind setting up shop with something quite different from the rest of the pack...



Enter The Secret World. I have such a massive boner for this, it's not even funny. I love the look of it, I love the premise, and I especially love how unique it is apart from anything else I've seen in the MMO market. I love it because it is a labor of love, and not a cash-grab of some sort or else a generic fantasy primed for a sequel from the get-go.

How could I love it when it isn't even out yet? Well, I use the word "love" in the same way that one would "love" a song that is technically flawed, yet they can't stop listening to it. In the same way that one would "love" tomatoes, even though tomatoes don't taste that great on their own, but are essential ingredients for their favorite foods. It's more than just a guilty pleasure; it speaks to who you are. I love it for the same reason I like a lot of other things that some people would consider "bad"; I love its potential. The ideas it proposes, what it can/could be, the logic behind decisions - I see and understand the vision, and I can get on board with it because I appreciate the effort put into what's already there, even if I have seen it before elsewhere. But this hasn't been done before, which makes me appreciate it even more so.



Art snob, nonconformist douchebag, weirdo; call it what you want, but I've always been a fan of the unconventional and unorthodox. It's why genuine ideas are so unique and powerful in their own right. There may be more wrong with the final product than right, but I always seem to find a way to appreciate it on some level.

I have a lot of thoughts concerning The Secret World that have me liking it more than I probably should; especially since I might not be able to participate when it comes out. But the bottom line is that Funcom is currently doing a lot more right with this game than wrong. And that's why I really don't want it to suck!

Let's keep the politically incorrect and uncomfortably erotic ball of whatever this is rolling, shall we?


Morbid curiosity.

As if any more needed to be said, morbid curiosity and a skewed fondness for the entity known as "Anonymous" is what compelled me to download and install it. I've only heard of Japanese dating simulators, and the opinions of those perplexed by the notion of them in the past. My own opinion has been of the casual "LOLJAPAN" variety, understanding the dynamics of such interactive media without much desire for firsthand knowledge... until now.

I'm pretty sure my experience with it is a unique one, in the midst of any reviews that have been made public by now. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it, 'cause I sure didn't plan on writing about it beforehand. 24 hours after my initial playthrough, I still can't determine whether my expectations were either grossly exceeded or made completely fucking irrelevant, or the former subsequently leading into the latter. In any case, it sent me into a flurry of unexpected befuddlement, introspection, and hearty chuckling afterward that warranted a blog of some sort.

If you haven't been made familiar already, Katawa Shoujo/Disability Girls is a dating sim made by a few good folks over at your local 4chan. It's about Hisao, a boy that gets sent to a specialized school for disabled teens, after discovering, in the most heavy-handed, analogous way, that he has heart problems. After that, it's up to you to help him romance and bed a few of his disabled/disfigured schoolmates, because loljapan.

Simple enough, no? At least, that's what you would expect to have happen, if such was your paraphilic inclination.

But that's not what happened when I played it. I don't even think you can say what happened was similar, in that the palpable irony twisted it into something of an almost malicious nature.



While getting settled in at the school, Hisao meets Kenji, a bespectacled conspiracy theorist and misogynist. I'm assuming that Kenji was written to be a comic foil of sorts, due to his ludicrous social behavior and fanatical ranting. Unfortunately, a few things struck me very quickly that killed any enjoyment to be had from this character. First off, he was getting in the way of my romancing underaged, limbless girls, which made him a nuisance to begin with. Secondly, and on a personal note, he reminded me of a couple people that I've actually encountered, with the real life affliction of compulsive lying and borderline to full-blown schizophrenia. Whether it was their delusions of grandeur, or stories with logic holes so big you could drive a truck through them, neither of these guys were particularly easy to get along with, save a cordial hello here or there. So I tended to avoid them, because you eventually learn when interacting with schizophrenics that the more comfortable with your company they get, the less comfortable you inevitably become with theirs. That's been my experience anyway.

But the game wouldn't let me avoid this guy. That was red flag number one. It's also made somewhat apparent that our protagonist, Hisao, is also uncomfortable talking to him. Yet he remains friendly, at least in a pragmatic sense, so to keep things as "normal" as possible it seems. Which is quite understandable... Until this happens:


Um... wut?

Right after Hisao gets out of the shower, he finds Kenji standing unannounced in his bathroom... Butt-ass naked... Asking for money to buy a pizza. And he's not freaking out about this, why? I mean, it's one thing to keep your cool as an unorthodox situation presents itself, but he doesn't even tell the kid that appearing out of nowhere in the bathrooms of people you just met is a thing you shouldn't do. Let alone, do it naked.

At this point, you may be wondering what the hell I'm doing putting so much thought into a Japanese dating simulator. I've been asking myself that very question, in addition to crying myself to sleep every night since I started this.

Oh, but it gets better.

During my play, I was saving the game before the story branching decision points, so I could restart the game, should the consequences of my decision prove unfavorable - which seemed to be pretty much every time. Every choice I made resulted in Hisao more or less thinking to himself, "Maybe I shouldn't have said that," or "That could've gone better...". Which begged me to just reload the game and choose the apparent "right" option, which had seemingly better results, even though there was no hawtness to be had just yet. I knew there probably wasn't a Game Over ending if I continually made the less favorable choices, but I figured my chances of getting virtual, amputee nookie would be decreased, should the decisions I pick take Hisao down a sexless story path.

However, by the end of his first week at the school, my supposed favorable choices brought Hisao to a rooftop with Kenji, after lamenting that all the girls were too busy with their duties at the school's festival. With nothing better to do, they have a manly... picnic.



Mildly amused, but more or less irritated at this point, I skimmed through the dialogue again, as Kenji went on more paranoid, chauvinist rants - with a drunken Hisao, ever the gentleman, attempting to make the best of the situation as usual with light palaver. And then, it happened. With Kenji slowly advancing, and Hisao fumbling to retreat...



The thought that this would be the height of awkwardness in this particular relationship came as a relief, as once it was over, we would be able to move on to greener pastures...



At least, that's what I imagined would happen, even as Hisao began to black out...



And apparently fall under the effects of a mickey...



And then the screen fades to RED.

Roll credits. Main Menu.


Um.... WAT

What just happened? The game's not over, right? There's more to it than that.

Right?

I was promised fucked up amputee sex. I must've missed something. Is there something new in the Load menu? Nothing. No "Continue Game", no "Next Chapter" option... just my last save. Maybe something in the Extras menu that will tell me something about... Nope.

Did I somehow download the demo version? Is there a second part of the file that I neglected to see and torrent? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

Are you telling me that all of that reloading and picking the good choices got me the homosexual date rape ending? Are you kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

This has to be a joke. Another sick 4chan joke that I wasn't aware of before because the game was just released, and I'm going to hear about it once I consult the internet. Everyone got the same date rape ending; that has to be it. Oh, 4chan. Why u so 4chans?

So I consult the internet, and lo, no one has mentioned inevitable date rape by anime-Harry Potter yet. WTF. So it was just me, then. The decisions I made that I thought would get me hetero anime sex the fastest became my undoing. The one person that I didn't want anything to do with, was the one I got lucky with. And then the simulator ends. Wow.

Somehow, I feel betrayed. Dirty. Defiled. And there hasn't even been a single explicit sex scene yet.

It's been a really long time since I've felt this way from being exposed to a product of 4chan, and yet they've done it again, even if it was inadvertent. And I can't decide whether it was a work of genius.

Because I was playing the game how I thought it should/wanted to be played, instead of the way I wanted to play it, which potentially would've been rewarded for. With hentai. Did the developers account for this? Was that the ending given based on those specific decisions, or by how many times I reloaded the game to pick the other choice? Or both?

"You went back to choose all the 'right' responses, so you get date raped!"

And that's what I was pondering yesterday... A - The fact that there are people who go through the trouble of creating a game design with an algorithm that ends in your character getting date raped; and B - That I hate it when games penalize you for playing it the way you want to, instead of the way it wants you to play it. Like ones with Good or Evil meters where you're obviously rewarded more for being a good guy, and if you play as a bastard to the end, you get a shitty ending. If what happened here was indeed the opposite, then I believe commendations (of some kind) are in order.

As for this game, I think my best option at this point is to save what's left of my own sanity and walk away with the perspective that I have scribed here... Perhaps I didn't get the "bad" ending after all?

Perchance date rape saved my soul...?

Okay, I think I'm done here.