I don’t know at exactly what point I realized that investing all my level ups on Intelligence was a bad idea in the game of Dark Souls. Maybe it was in the middle of the incredibly long animation required for using a Soul Arrow, or maybe it was the moment after I had to drill three spell casts into an armor-less grunt character to kill it, but at some point I realized how ironically un-intelligent my strategy was. However, I’m a man of steely resolve and my convictions left me unwilling to admit I am wrong, so I stuck with my plan to the end and it was glorious.

Since I recently beat Dark Souls after two months of moving at a snail’s pace through the game, I thought I might write about my play through in a blog so that nobody will read it and I can get off on all of the self-inflicted pain I’ll cause myself. Riveting, right?


This may be the least creative blog I’ve ever written, but I’m sure my legions of fans will still lap it up…

When I was making my character, I had an important decision to make: I either go with a heavy melee character or a cowardly magic wielder. There was no middle ground between the two because everybody knows a balanced character in Dark Souls is the most boring path to take. The mage build had treated me well in Demon’s Souls, so I decided to go the route of the physically challenged sorcerer once again.

The first thirty minutes seemed forgiving enough. The asylum never threw too many enemies at me, and the plunging attack made the Asylum Demon laughably easy. It was when I got to the part after the first bonfire in Undead Burg that I realized I was going to need more than a dagger and a slow-as-molasses soul arrow spell. I spent most of my early game running away from mobs of enemies instead of fighting anything.

I bought a long sword, and I was only able to beat the Taurus Demon and the Gargoyles by summoning somebody to help me online. I had to use the magic shield spell to beat the Capra Demon, but it took me the better part of two days to do so.

I don’t want to chronicle every insignificant step I took in the last two months in Lordran, but I will say that I spent way too much time grinding up souls to buy enough titanite shards to upgrade a useless long sword. Then I found out about the Drake sword and it completely invalidated around three hours of work!


Get it? Drake Sword? Apparently, I'm the only person who was once a fan of his terrible music... :(

The Gaping Dragon was the first boss that was slow enough for me to use magic as my primary means of damage, but it wasn’t so easy the first time because I didn’t kill the Channeler that was launches magic from a platform above. A week of my life was then spent conquering Blighttown afterwards because I kept getting eaten by the monsters and toxic-poisoned by the a-holes with blow darts. I actually had to buy a bow to “pull” enemies – something I never had to do in Demon’s Souls. By the time I reached Queen Kellog, I had died in and replayed Blighttown enough times to drive a sane man crazy.

I believe it was my blind fury and hatred that killed Kellog because I doubt it was my swordsmanship. However, now that I had gotten to the Blighttown swamp, there was no longer a need to be using the flimsy Drake sword and blaming my failures on my lack of Strength because I began farming the (literally) magical green titanite from the slugs. I then killed the merchant in Undead Burg for his Uchigatana because it went along well with the Eastern Armor set I found in Darkroot Garden, and I raised it to a +5 magic weapon. My ascension to glory as a spell casting samurai soon followed and I never slowed down.

The only boss I had a problem with afterwards was Seath the Scaleless since (being the “father of sorcery”) he had a pretty large defense against magic. I actually got cursed twice, but it was all worth it afterwards because I got the crystal powered sorceries from Logan afterwards. Who knew that crystals made magic ridiculously stronger?

Ummmmm… Well, I suppose I should share some thoughts instead of just talking about stuff I did. I don’t have any thoughts that will carry more than a paragraph, so get ready for a couple of random things I’d like to say about Dark Souls.



Armour

There’s a ton of different armor to choose from in this game, and I can now understand how women can stand around in stores looking at clothes for hours because that’s exactly what I did with the armor in the game (I don’t even care how sexist that last sentence may seem). I was constantly mixing and matching the armor I’d find, and it took me until the very last boss to decide on an armor to stick with and upgrade. My favorite thing to do was to make sure my character was not wearing two things that were from the same set of armor, but still looked good. Even though the world was ending, it didn’t mean my character had to look bad!



Jolly Co-Op

I never actually did any co-op in Demon’s Souls, but I thought I might lend a helping hand to others with Ornstein and Smough since I felt it was my civil duty as a strong magic user. I got addicted to doing co-op and ended helping about 6 people in their fight against Bert and Ernie. This soon led to a foray into competitive play as well. I won the first three invasions, but then I never won again. Maybe I had gone soft, but I couldn’t land a hit on anybody anymore and everybody had elemental weapons that ate through my shield. I still look forward to getting invaded every once in a while, though. It gets the blood pumping. I also like looking at what armor other people have their character wearing because – as I mentioned earlier – I love looking at armor.

Nobody ever seemed to want to help me at the end of the game, though. I remember I got invaded about three times before I started fighting the Demon Firesage, but there wasn’t a single summon sign for somebody to come in and help me! One thing I really wanted to do was to get a friend, find a means to speak with one another over the internet, and play the majority of the game co-operatively. I was quite excited to do this, but then I remembered I have no friends… Oh well! Maybe I’ll just get two copies of the game, and play co-op with myself and Solaire.



Comparisons and Conclusions

I noticed that maybe Dark Souls is actually a bit cheaper than Demon’s Souls. For one, there seems to be a lot more mobs of enemies. I just thought it was lame every time there was a group of enemies chilling together in a room, waiting to jump me. Aren’t the enemies supposed to be mindless, soul-thirsty zombies? When did they develop the ability to strategize and formulate ambushes together? I don’t remember that happening much in Demon’s Souls, but it seemed to be in every area in Dark Souls.

An even worse offender of this case was the boss battles. Remember when the bosses were tough enough to fight their battles themselves? There were more than a couple of bosses in Dark Souls that needed to bring in people to distract you while they kill in one shot. There was the Gargoyle(s), Gaping Dragon (if you don’t kill the Channeler earlier), Capra Demon, Four Kings, Pinwheel, and Nito. Two of these (Capra Demon and Pinwheel) are so weak all alone that they come back as regular enemies later on! I mean, what’s up with that? I will say that kicking the crud out of the Capra Demons in the Demon Ruins was very satisfying now that they didn’t have their dawgs backing them up.

The last two paragraphs makes it seem like I may hate the game, but I don’t. I loved it. Those are just my least favorite things about the game. My favorite boss was actually Four Kings despite the cheap ambush that you may have to suffer through. Since it was late in the game, my character was a monster with 50 Intelligence, but the fight was still incredibly exhilarating. From the fall into the abyss to the moment you kill the last “king,” the fight has the best blend of action and atmosphere of the entire game. I remember landing and thinking I needed light, so I was about to pull out my sunlight maggot when the music started blasting and I immediately freaked out. I saw the king far from me and it zoomed in on me in a matter of seconds! I remember I managed to kill one with a few seconds to spare before the next one came out, and I could hear myself breathing hard while I waited. When the match was over, I knew that it was the best part of the game up until then, and it remained the best part. It has a lot going on and I could probably write a whole blog solely about it, but I don't want to bore anybody, so this medium sized paragraphed should be enough for now.

When it comes to the overall experience, I'd say Dark Souls is the better between itself and Demon's Souls. I heard a lot of people complaining about the Metroidvania-esque open world design when the game first came out (including myself), but I believe it ended up being the best way to play in the kind of worlds that Demon's Souls and Dark Souls set up. The interconnectivity and less linear structure definitely lent a more immersive feel for the world. The subtle change to the physiology/physics also took a while to get used to as well, but it definitely made the gameplay deeper by adding something as simple as making three rolling speeds instead of just two. I think all the changes were the best directions to go instead of just making another hub world with 5 new archstones and the exact same progression, and they may actually be the way From Software always wanted things to be.

I think that about sums up everything I wanted to say about Dark Souls! I really wanted to write something while I was in the middle of playing the game, but I kept getting swamped with school work. I will say it was a blast talking about the game with knutaf on twitter, and I'd love to talk to other Dtoiders about the game right here! Thanks for reading this blog. All two of you! I'd love to hear you people's thoughts! What did you think of the mobs? What was your favorite fight? Please leave a comment and help validate my existence! D:

Everybody knows that your first time playing Demon’s Souls is tough. If you you are like me and have an undying commitment to un-funny jokes, you spent all your time harvesting all the sticky white stuff in the game and didn’t spend enough time increasing your endurance or strength for the climax of an archstone’s world, so all you had was a leather shield and wizard's clothes against the flamelurker. Luckily, soul arrows were put in the game for losers like me.

However, in my bumbling and stumbling through the land of Boletaria, I came across a profound moment I'd like to share with the three readers of this blog. If you haven't already clicked the link to get back to the blog roll, get ready for some super-deep* reflection on one of the villains of this great game (which I recently beat).


*super-deep for an elementary school student

When people mention Demon’s Souls, everybody always mentions how wonderfully miserable the world is and claim it as one of the game’s strongest elements. One world, however, stood out the most to me for being the most miserable, and making me feel horrible after killing the Archdemon; that world was the Valley of Defilement, and the Archdemon was Maiden Astraea. I want to explain why this is an indisputable fact, while also asking how others felt about it.

The first two sections of the world do a great job of giving you a good idea of what the Valley is all about while also giving you an uneasy feeling of guilt as you easily kill the weak inhabitants who appear to only be defending their home. The collapsing walkways, a giant poison lake (which you must traverse to advance in the level) and inhabitants with giant-clubs-which-you-can-not-block are thrown in the mix, and start to grind on the player’s nerves by the third or fourth death. By the time you beat the dirty colossus, you have developed a small-to-large amount of contempt for the world, and may or may not want to demolish the person behind this damp, nasty place called the Valley of Defilement.

However, when you enter the fog gate behind the Dirty Colossus’s archstone, stuff gets real, and this is the part that made me feel like a monster.


This is where it goes down

The scene opens and you see that this boss is different from the other bosses in that you fight in a place that looks as miserable as the rest of the world. Other boss battles have you fight the bosses in areas specially made for them, earning them a sense of entitlement and making you feel as if you are taking them down a peg, thus empowering you when you ultimately take them down. However, the decision to place the person in charge of such a horrible place in the same setting as the grunts of the world begins to make you feel a bit less heroic.

The scene then cuts to the Maiden on a filthy “throne” near a pile of corpses, and reveals her appearance as the most normal looking human in the game (especially compared to my character that looks like a frog). She is just chillin’ with her body guard (and possible lover?), and bids him fair well as he goes off to fight you, the invader as some tragic sounding music starts playing. At this point, my level of uneasiness has reached astronomical levels as I expected my contempt to be able to be channeled through an epic fight with a giant, slimy monster, but I got some little lady and a soft-spoken man in armor.


That’s the evil demon in charge of this place?

I tried to justify my actions by thinking that Garl Vinland was the evil mind behind the seemingly innocent looking Astraea, but then I found him in a defensive stance, blocking the only way to the Archdemon he was trying to protect. I attacked him, feeling a little guilty as he always returned to defend the path to the Maiden after each of my cheap sword slices. Then he started talking, and his line “You abandoned us long ago; what right do you have?” made me start to realize perhaps I was the villain in this fight.

The music and the subtle voice acting definitely add to the tragic atmosphere, and you definitely feel as if you are gaining nothing when you finally dispatch Garl Vinland and approach Maiden Astraea. While you can choose to attack the archdemon, you can also talk to her instead, leading to one of the most depressingly unsatisfying moments in gaming I’ve ever experienced (in a good way). When you talk to the Maiden, she talks to you in a very well executed, and subtle despair, and kills herself as she tells you take the demon soul you are after.


This isn’t my game. I got the picture from vMoonSTERv on youtube, dawg

At that point I felt quite terrible for doing what I did, and realized how great it was. It reminded me of playing Shadow of the Colossus, even though Demon’s Souls fight was less morally ambiguous. I think that proves that the design behind the entire sequence is even better, since it got me to see what the developer’s may have intended me to see, without having to have me fill in ambiguous blanks with my personal preferences like SotC did. The entire “boss fight” is a testament to the level of detail From Software put into the design in this game. I can only hope that Dark Souls can deliver as great as an experience as the whole of Demon’s Souls.

Now this is where I ask if others saw what I saw. Is this deep* enough for you, or am I just dumb? As a man of science, be they social or natural, I have low confidence in my ability to analyze anything plot related. When I finished playing the final part of the Valley of Defilement, I knew I really liked it, but I wondered if it’s just because of my mental deficiency or something. I’d really like to hear others’ thoughts on the fight or the Valley, or if they had a boss battle that they thought was even better experience! It doesn’t even have to be from Demon’s Souls! Maybe writing this was a bad idea , but I just wanted to share my thoughts with the two of you who will read this! :D

”This game is overrated. The 1950’s were stupid, just like this game. There’s not even a multi-player mode! Never before have I had the misfortune of playing such a repugnant game,” is what I would’ve said if I was in bizarro world!


Sorry if I angered you with my sensationalist headline and my primitive use of the English language, but us bottom feeders gotta eat too, ya know?

Now that I’ve lured you in with my sensationalism, you cannot leave. Don’t try to escape! I've disabled all of the links!

Since Bioshock is pretty old now, there’s not much to say about it that hasn’t been said. However, I like to think I’m unique and special, so if I say something, it will blow people’s minds! So, here’s my patented three-topic-review of Bioshock and some top-tier reflection:

1. Gameplay
The genetic powers were cool (INSECT SWARM!!!!). Most of the guns were dumb. Lightning Bolt and Wrench. ‘Nuff said.

2. Story
Garbage. Would you kindly tell M. Night Shamal…Shamalama-ding-dong to stay away from video game scripts! (Nah, I’m just kidding. Story was pretty cool, dawg)

3. Visuals and Music
Loved the art style. I read on wikipedia that it’s called art deco. I call it lame-50’s-style-that-might-actually-be-60’s-but-what-do-I-know-I’m-not-a-historian-I-just-know-I-like-it style. I wish they would’ve played the ol’ timey 50’s music throughout the whole game, though.



Other stuff I’d like to mention…

-This was the first ever First-Person-Shooter I’ve ever owned. Flashing my license at the Gamestop when I bought it was a milestone in my life. I also realized what the “Mature” rating truly means. Any kid can play the game and maybeenjoy themselves, but you truly have to be “Mature” to fully enjoy this game. I believe only a mature person will fully appreciate all the atmosphere and stuff going on in this game.

-After beating the game, I went online and looked at some play through videos of Bioshock because I didn’t have to worry about spoilers anymore. I saw all kinds of videos that showed how to kill the Big Daddies in creative ways, and I realized how uncreative my play through was. All I did was get a bunch of armor-piercing auto rounds to take down the Big Daddies. People come up with some pretty cool stuff, and now I want to start a new game just to try it all out.

-Although I don’t plan on playing Bioshock 2, I am super excited for Bioshock Infinite. I love the 1920’s setting even more than the 50’s setting, and Colombia looks just as interesting as Rapture. It will be a pre-order and first day purchase for me…!



Well, this brings me to the sad realization I stumbled upon halfway through my game: I’m super late to the party! I’m so late, I’m not even fashionably late anymore.

I wouldn’t be surprised if nobody read this blog because everybody moved on to bigger and better things since Bioshock came out, and they don’t want to read another mediocre blog about it. Not only am I late to the Bioshock party, I’m late to the HD console party, too!

By now, everybody has friends they play online with, and they have tons of games to play on PSN and Xbox Live. I only have one game, and nobody wants to play it anymore. I really missed the train, and with the 3DS and NGP coming out, coupled with the rumors that all Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft are all working on new consoles for next generation, I may never catch up!

I was planning on getting myself a PS3, but then the 3DS came along, looking all sexy and multi-dimensional. It’s like every time I get some fancy technological device, something new comes along that I want to get so I don’t ever fall behind again. (It’s also like I’m an old person complaining about how new tech keeps invalidating old technology).

For a while, it seemed like this vicious cycle would never end, but then I realized why I fell behind. I never got an Xbox 360 or PS3 because I was still pretty young when they first came out. The mature games didn’t interest me as much as Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and Super Mario Galaxy, but most importantly of all: I had no money!

I’m a bit older now. I actually have a respectable amount of money to spend on my leisure activities, and I can appreciate more mature themes in video games now. Being a full-time student, the money’s not as lucrative as the dough I was pulling down as a professional male model, but I now have enough to get a few video games. However, being a full-time student also means I don’t have much time to play video games, but that’s beside the point.

What I’m starting to realize is that I no longer rely on my parents to fuel my hobby any longer. The reason I fell behind the times was because I didn’t want to have my parents spend the money.

Knowing that I’m starting to grow up and starting to get the money to buy all these consoles and gadgets, I’m a bit less afraid of coming late to the next party. In the mean time, I can still try having fun with all the leftovers and trying my best to catch up. I will eventually get a PS3 because there is some stuff on there that I want, and I may get my hands on a 3DS when a decent game releases for it. This will, hopefully, get me caught up with 5 years of missed opportunities. I also need to get a more recently released game to start getting in on an FNF around here, but I keep school keeps taking away the motivation to buy a newer game that people are actually playing! *sigh*

Well, at least I only have to pay $20 for older games right now! That’s one good side about coming late to the party!

Back in the day, my friends and I used to hang out after school and play games with each other in the school yard. We would physically interact as we developed our ability to cuss and nailed each other with dodge balls in the 90 degree southern California weather. Despite the fact we would smell like dog by the end of the day, it was lovely. However, there was always one thing everybody would rather be doing: playing video games!

The Gameboy Color was released around 1998, but only the very privileged children got theirs right away. So 1998-2000 saw me and my chums being forced to actually exercise and get fresh air! Can you believe that!?

Well, it was near the end of the run of the GBC in 2000 when the prices started to lower, and we all became older and more responsible. We all got our Gameboys by the end of Christmas and we finally got to do what we wanted all along: to play video games with each other at school. It was aaamaazing!


This is my GBC. I got the Turqoise one because that's how I roll.

Because everybody was scared to death about getting raped (or something), children didn’t just go to each others house. Kids only got to hang out if they lived close to each other; otherwise, school was the only time we got to see each other. (I’m pretty sure this was the case for the majority of people, not just where I grew up in.)

Therefore, we never got to play video games with each other. We all loved video games, but we never got to enjoy our favorite activity together. When we all got our Gameboys, not only did we get to play video games together, we got to make school enjoyable for the first time in our lives.

As fairly smart, dorky children, school was a joke by the third grade for my friends and me in the lousy Los Angeles Unified School District. Afternoons were spent doodling and discussing t.v. shows instead of learning how to add and subtract for the third year in a row. With our Gameboys, afternoons were now spent helping each other beat the harder worlds in Super Mario Land and trading copies of Pokemon; you know, doing important stuff.

It was amazing being able to turn gaming into a social activity, instead of something that “fried your brain.”


This is the kind of thing we’d doodle, but with far less skill

When people started to get games that others owned, the GB Link cable took things to another level of amazing-ness. Instead of hovering over a person’s shoulder and talking about how much better you are at Pokemon than them, you could sit across from them and prove your superior Pocket Monster skills. There was also some fairly epic Tetris matches that were held at the lunch pavilions thanks to that magic cable.

So many great moments were had with the Gameboy, and they were made much better because their portability allowed these memories to be shared with good friends. I still remember the awe I felt when I first saw a friend perform the Mew glitch in Pokemon Red Version, and the jealousy I felt when I saw how much better some friends were at other games than I was. Everytime I hear that chime when I start up my Gameboy, I'm taken back to those younger days of mine. Great times were had doing one of my favorite things of all-time (playing video games), and improving the worst thing in my life (going to school).

It is because the Gameboy Color allowed me to play video games at school with my friends that I thought it was so aaamaazing. The GBC was a way to share my love, and it helped form great memories about being young and careless, and that's why I think it's so aaamaazing. (See what I did there?)

Amongst the waves of skater/gangster hybrid freaks that stalk the asphalt plains of the Bear Flag Republic state university system, our hero, HandsomeBeast, trudged along under the weight of a thousand books and a million pieces of loose leaf paper. He and thousands of others had somehow been tricked into trading their green linen currency in return for indentured servitude and subjugation to harsh judgement. Our hero had been seeking the magic scroll, Batch O‘Lore’s De Grie, which is said to improve one’s wealth tenfold.

Sadly, after 6 months, he seemed to have only reached the 1/8th mark of the path on the map which the village elder’s had passed on to him. His back muscles contracted, his eyes were shot with blood, and his synapses fried as he wrote thousands of seals and decrypted hundreds of archives. It didn’t help that he had to drown out the clamor of dozens of vagrants and vagabonds with gallons of shoegaze and wutang.

Then, one day, a message arrived in his lightning-powered stone…

“Have you played ‘The World Ends With You’?”
-knutaf

This “knutaf” was one of his correspondents from the information trading post De Structoid, an excellent source of information regarding lightning-powered devices used in recreation. knutaf offered to send a cartridge of metal and lightning for our hero to play. Needless to say, HandsomeBeast became very excited for he couldn’t find this particular cartridge near his abode. This knutaf misjudged his own strength, however, for when he threw the cartridge from his kingdom in the Sea of Attle, he applied enough velocity for it to orbit the earth for days before it reached HandsomeBeast’s cottage in the holy lands of Saint Bernard. All was forgiven, though, as it arrived unscathed by the blistering speed at which it was thrown days later.



Our hero felt great to know he had friends, even in the far reaches of the northwest region of the federation of united states. His outlook on things is now bright as he sets out on the rest of his arduous journey. What will he encounter next? Will he learn how to decrypt the manuscript of Phizz Icks? Will he finally defeat his nemesis, rexwolf2? Will he succumb to the siren songs of licentious women who plague the land? Tune in next time! (P.S. There will most likely never be “next time” so relax)

So yeah, knutaf sent me a game! I am pretty excited about the whole situation because it’s the first package a person from the internet has ever sent me.


Here was the actual package. This picture is completely unedited, so feel free to send me stuff at this address.


Amazing! A disc-sleeve-thing with yellow note paper?! I didn’t even know paper came in that color!


Wait! There’s a game in this paper! The World Ends With You. I’d been looking around local Gamestops for this to no avail, so I’m looking forward to finishing this.


There’s a personal note in here too! It’s full of inappropriate language, so I won’t type it out, but let me assure you, it’s steamy stuff…


A hand drawn masterpiece was etched out in the back. Little known fact: I’m actually not dead!


I’ve put about an hour into the game already, and it’s pretty darn good! Boba Fett agrees with this sentiment whole heartedly.

Thanks a bunch knutaf! I can’t type out the happiness I feel when I know that a friend thousands of miles away sent me a game out of the kindness of his heart! (I want to send you a game now, but all I have are Wii and DS games that you might not take an interest in… We should talk about that! ;))

Alternative Title: “The Blog That Only CelicaCrazed, Funktastic, Elsa, And Maybe rexwolf2 Will Read.”

So, the other day (about a two months ago, to be precise) I noticed that it had been 6 months since I’d written my first two blogs. A half-year of terribly unfunny comments, poorly constructed blogs, and poorly executed rabble-rousing. Time flies when you’re trying to win the approval of people who hate you!

So to commemorate this occasion (which nobody cares about), I decided to do a second part to my second blog. Chances are that if you’re reading this, you either accidentally clicked on my blog and are now leaving, or you are rexwolf2, waiting for me to slip up; either way, I’ll keep you up to speed with the following statement: My second blog was about how I suck at guessing how people look, and it is painfully unfunny.

This time around, though, you – the reader – have a vested interest in my ridiculous misperceptions (assuming that rexwolf2, CelicaCrazed, Funktastic, and Elsa are the only ones reading this; if you’re not them, bless your soul for putting up with my words so fa– oh you’re leaving now? Okay).

Your reason to care this time around is because this edition of People Who Ended Up Looking Different Than I Imagined is about some members of the C-Blogs who ended up… well, Looking Different Than I Imagined. (What a creative title, 6-month-younger-version-of-HandsomeBeast. *sigh*).

By now, you must be thinking, “Who do you think you are? Where do you get off? What gives you right?”

And to that, I simply reply, “That’s right! The people I’m talking about are rexwolf2/CelicaCrazed, Funktastic, and Elsa!” as I dodge your hostile questions and stare at the floor to avoid eye contact with you.

Here we go*double-sigh*

rexwolf2/CelicaCrazed


rexwolf2 is on the left. CelicaCrazed is on the right…What? I’d like to see you do better with paint and a touchpad!

I’ve never seen pictures of either of these guys/girls, so what you are seeing is pure, unbiased speculation. This started when I read that rexwolf2 was from Ohio or some place like that. To me, Ohio is suburbia-land-squared. I’ve never been there, but I watch a lot of television, so, believe me, I’m an expert at stereotyping. If you live in Ohio, chances are you:

1) Own a gazebo
2) Are a racist
3) Are no longer a Cleveland Cavaliers fan

All these things coupled with the fact that rexwolf2 had the audacity to appoint himself as my eternal nemesis had me imagine him as the above image. Since I exude dominance and charm, I assume only a foolish little kid would challenge me in any way. What says “foolish little kid” more than the “I like turtles” kid? Nothing. That’s what.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know exactly why I imagine CelicaCrazed as a brunette palette-swap of rexwolf2. I just know he is Canadian, so I assumed that he developed darker hair to help him absorb more sun in the harsh Canadian winters. (Maybe he is secretly allied with my nemesis, and my instincts are trying to tell me something…)

Well, whatever. I guess that means CelicaCrazed and rexwolf2 can stop reading here. On to the next one.

Funktastic


It’s hard looking for pictures of Polynesian and Filipino people, so I settled for athletes of these races and made them “fat”

The only interaction I had with Funktastic was through reading his blogs about his terrible hoarding obsession. The way a person writes and the way a person looks can be very… unrelated. Just because he used the word, “mate” a few times, I assumed Mr. Funk was Australian. Because his avatar was DOMO, my mind formulated that Funktastic was also a bulky, brown person. Naturally, I assumed he looked like those Polynesian warrior guys from New Zealand.

After a few more blogs, I read that he is Asian. He also used “Dag yo” which sounds like what I imagine tagalong sounds like. My vision soon shifted to “kind of bulky Filipino guy.” Guess what? Both were wrong. Turns out he’s some regular-looking Asian guy living in Canada. (How does an Asian end up in Canada?)

Enough of my rampant racism! I sound like somebody from Ohio! ROTFLMFAO! Next is:

Elsa


You guys don’t know how eerily similar this looks to the person I’m describing…

The undisputed champion of Canadia, Miss Elsa is a special case. One of my mother’s good friends was named Elsa, so I imagined they were similar in appearance, but… yeah, you saw the picture.

As you can see from the picture, this other Elsa was a lot different from the C-blog Elsa we all know and love. Since the only lead I had about Elsa was her rough age and her name, my pea-sized brain associated her image with the real-life Elsa that I already knew. It turns out this Elsa looked like a red-headed Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It also doesn’t help that Elsa kind of sounds like Ursula to me. So yeah, Elsa was a victim of bias because I already knew an Elsa in real life.

There! It’s over. I’m going to end all your suffering now because this is the end of the blog. You can leave now! YAY! This blog will soon wash away with the wave of fail that usually accompanies the weekends. A fitting punishment for an offender of multiple copyright laws.

Well, if you don’t mind, I also want to write a reflective paragraph here regarding the last 6 months. *ahem* They have been great. Destructoid is a cool place on the internet. I regret nothing. (Three sentences is a paragraph, right? What do you mean that was lame? I bare my soul, and this the reaction I get?!)