So today I'm trying something different. I'll make this review a "no fucks given, redneck" style text. I'll swear a lot, assume you are trying to argument back and call you names. I'll use the contraction "Ain't" a lot. Ok?

I’ve seen many threads with criticism towards Sniper Elite V2, with the general consensus being “Of course you hate it, you probably love Call of Duty!” and “It’s prettier than the first game, so obviously it’s better!”.

So before I start, how about I shed any doubt. I did play the first Sniper Elite, I’m not particularly fond of Call of Duty, and what I wanted from this game was great Sniping. I set the enemy settings on Veteran (Normal difficulty), and the Sniper Settings on Realistic.

Dead on Arrival

I’m in a balcony, and from there I see a guy exiting a building, and pressing himself against the wall. I go into focus mode to make sure that what I’ve been doing so far is not a result of a bad placed shot, but a real fault from the game. I line that red square over the guy’s TORSO, shoot and… the bullet hits the wall, completely passing through him without killing him. I reloaded 5 times and did this, only one time that shot actually connected when aiming at his TORSO, in a way that would kill any other stand-still character. What am I supposed to think when the first thing you do in the game is “buggy”, or whatever you want to call it.

But that’s just a “first nitpick”, let’s dissect this game.

Level Design

For a game with Sniper in the title, and being a sequel to Sniper Elite, there’s really no reason why the level featured in the demo (Though I am willing to bet this is the case for the whole game) lacks improvised vantage points and freedom of roaming. The levels are all pretty straight forward, and if you take the multiple “turns” you make away from the game, and the buildings you enter; the game could be rendered in a tunnel for all I can distinguish. The original title was not a master of free roaming, but at least most of the “city levels” were set in multiple blocks instead of following a street, and non-city levels tried giving you enough rooms to cover in facilities.

When I’m “sniping” from behind cover, on ground level, crouching instead of laying on the ground, the term “sniping” is really getting stretched. Don’t tell me I’m playing this wrong, and I should be picking targets from far away either. As soon as I shoot someone, everyone is on my ass. “You are supposed to shoot someone, and then relocate”. Oh sure, I’ll fucking relocate to the other room in the fucking building, or maybe to that other piece of cover, maybe that will give me 2 seconds more of advantage when (not if) the enemy gets to me. This is the demo, and THIS is the best they can showcase?

Stealth

But maybe, just maybe, I could relocate better if there was a way to hide. Sure, enemies don’t see you if you are behind cover in a doorway and they enter through that doorway, but they sure as hell ain’t blind. “They are alert because you shot that one guy at the doorway, the one you talked about in your first point”. Shit, ain’t pleasing you guys. I don’t shoot him, I go to the door, I go prone all the way, lie down and look through the scope. As soon as a soldier turns around, he sees me. I take the shoot, I shoot him. Bam, 800 m shoot. Could you, beneath a pretty bright sun, out in the streets, spot me, inside a building with no lights, from that distance? Fucking shit.

Where’s my Camo Index, devs? It was on the first game, and it didn’t make the game any easier, but at least it sticked to the “realism” this series brags so much about, I could at least become “less distinguishable” in certain spots.

If this ain’t supposed to be Uncharted, maybe it should

Since the enemies have better vision than fucking superman, shooting people while laying down isn’t really an option, even from tall vantage points. So of course, I gotta take cover. And those of you that haven’t played Uncharted, or any quality third person shooter ever since, probably won’t realize this. Everything about the way your character handles in this game sucks dick. The cover system feels stale, your characters movements are imprecise and the shooting system when using everything besides the sniper rifle is spotty at best. “AHA! You are trying to play SNIPER ELITE with something other than the Sniper! See! You are biased, you don’t know shit! I will disregard all your complaints!”. If I ain’t supposed to use it, why the HELL is it in the game, huh? “Oh and you said the aiming was spotty! That’s what it’s like in real life, ASSHOLE!”. If it’s supposed to be realistic, why can I sometimes snipe better with my assault rifle than with my sniper? Aren’t bullets supposed to drop, or that just applies to the sniper rifle, huh?

Stop assuming this game is good just because there’s a feature that makes you giggle like a girl

“The kill cam is glorious, and satisfying”.

Take that away and you end up with a pretty shitty game, believe me.

Conclusions

Maybe the final product isn’t as bad, but the demo didn’t do a good job of selling it either. The first Sniper Elite isn’t a great game, specially for the age it was released upon (seriously, check the list of games it got released alongside in that year), but it’s great features really stand out. Let’s take the only mayor difference, the engine, out of the equation and think for a second. Which game is better, the first one or “Version 2 (just another bullshit reason to protect this game, because it’s not supposed to be better, just “more”. But really, this game isn’t more. It’ less. It’s worse!)”.

I wanna keep this shit-free, so don't expect any images, and almost no editing. Maybe some day I'll add those two to this blog post, but for now it's just a quick, free of bullshit writing.

PlayStation Vita Thoughts

I really like the system. The finally got down the Network Connections, it's as easy as clicking a Wi-Fi connection from a pop up list, introducing password (if there is) and done. If you have an iPod Touch, it's the same thing. PlayStation Network Store is as good as the one in the PS3 (a significant improvement over the one on the PSP), Trophies are a welcome addition, Friends and Chat are simple, though they do require me to refresh my connection each time I open them. The hardware is great, and while the system is huge, the weight is minimal. I think my 3DS feels a heavier, though I can't tell. Edit: No, they are about the same weight. The 3DS distributes it evenly, though, so it does feel easier to hold with one hand. Still, both are as lite as the original DS Lite.

Uncharted Golden Abyss Mini Review

Pros
-Uncharted-wise, this game has it's own identity. It's more about the climbing and dialogue portion of Uncharted than about the puzzles or the shooting, but it's got everything it needs. Still, I like that they decided to make this more a "scenic" Uncharted than a "frantic" one. It's more like Uncharted 2 than 3 in many places, and simply put: the level design is always long. There are no "one single room" levels like the Stowaway chapter in 3.
-Portable-wise, this game is done the right way. While it is in chapters, the whole game is very well connected. It doesn't feel disjointed, like Resident Evil 5 did (bringing RE 5 up because that game is a clear example of how NOT to do Chapter Structure), so the story itself feels like a console title. But it also has a shit-ton of collectibles and secrets, so it has the replay value of a portable title. This, alongside Portable Ops, is how you do portable titles.

Cons
-Graphics, while great, feel washed out in a cheap attempt at anti aliasing.
-Soundtrack is poor
-Shooting controls, while great, take a while to get used to
-The first half of the game is great level design wise, but is horrible story-wise. Please, wait until you get to the second half of the game (Chapter 17) to judge it.

Golden Abyss is a great title, doesn't shit on the franchise and at times is better than Drake's Fortune. It may not reach the masterpiece levels of the last two titles, but it certainly is a good game. Bend Studios: after the cheap job that was re-skinning Syphon Filter and calling it Resistance Retribution, this has earned my respect.

Score 8/10

Hopes

I really wish the rest of the library to be as good as Golden Abyss. It really is better than the 3DS, library wise, and the whole system feels like it will be among the greatest. This is on par with the PlayStation 2 and 3 as one of the greatest Sony inventions. It is not one, not two, but a million steps up from the PSP. First portable console of Sony that I think is worth the full price of admition.

Finally, I really wish that Remote Play picks up. The next update should at least make it so that we can play Killzone 3, which was already demoed.

Fears

More iterations. The 3DS needs a second iteration to unify the second nub. The Vita doesn't. The console, again, is light and while it may be big, it does fit in my pockets without difficulty. The first PSP felt heavier and clumsier. Simply put, there's no need to make more iterations of this. Please, Sony, don't. Nintendo should release a 3DS with a second nub, they already proved that they should have done that from the beggining, but you don't. Your console is better than any of the 5 PSP iterations, and it doesn't feel like it's lacking on any part.

Overall Console Score is, really, a 10/10. But maybe if I take my rose colored glasses of, the score would go down by a point or two. Simply put, it's better than the average portable device.

Everyone who knows me knows how much I liked to brag about Metal Gear Solid back when I discovered the series (at the fourth installment of Solid, nonetheless!), and how as soon as I finished Metal Gear Solid 4, I ran to my local store to buy that one last copy of “Essentials” and have the whole Solid saga on my hands. Most people who know me, of course, don’t know that I actually bought Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops PLUS (the one that doesn’t have a story) before I bought part 4. My first dip into the MGS series was with its first 3D stealth portable game. I cried about the controls in Portable Ops and the controls in part 3 (Even though I loved Snake Eater) and criticized Kojima for just recently introducing a third person shooter scheme and a crouch button. If only I knew how much that complaint would kick me in the ass…


That HUD is boss. The Boss.

Fast forward a year or so, you got the announcement of Metal Gear Solid: Rising (Not Revengeance), and I’m as hyped as I can be. On the side, another trailer slipped by; it wasn’t until a friend of mine told me that I noticed a second Metal Gear Solid announcement. Third person shooting? Check. Crouching? Check. Tons of humor? Check. PLAYSTATION PORTABLE? YES! At the time, IGN had posted a download for the Japanese Demo: It was glorious. I picked up the thing, started the demo and before doing anything else, I decided to bet Kojima that he wasn’t as smart as me, and that the control scheme (the great control scheme) that I had in mind, he couldn’t replicate. Considering that in my mind the Face Buttons of the PSP would be the camera, I clicked the Down Button on the D-Pad before anything else. Kojima and I were thinking the same thing: The Down Button was the crouch button. The controls instantly clicked with me, it was great!

I played the demo once. Maybe twice. Maybe a couple of times. I played the demo so much I could beat the 3 levels (and then 4, once it was updated) it contained with just CQC, no weapons. I played the demo so much I could beat the 4 levels it contained without even dealing with the enemies. I played it with a friend, I played it alone, I played it without moving the camera, I played it without crouching once, I played it without standing up once. I played the demo tons of times, a mistake on my part. I’ll make a pause here to talk about something else, entirely:

I bought Portable Ops (The one that HAS a story). It was a genius combination of freedom (being able to choose any map and play it while recruiting enemies, without any real goal), story (short bursts of cutscenes with some great, non-linear levels that just came together when you added objectives) and replay value (making your own squad was great, and getting weapons and resources for free was awesome). The only thing that didn’t click with me, at the time, was the control scheme. I was still waiting for Peace Walker, so of course I was anxious to play a PS3-like game in the PSP. Portable Ops was great, and to this day it stands as one of my three favorite PSP games. Peace Walker, and I’ll tell you why in a minute, stands as one of those games that I almost never pick up. I don’t hate the thing, I just don’t like it.

The story of Peace Walker sounds cool. That whole Nation Without a Military, Army Without a Nation business is interesting and based in a real life fact, right? On your way through the jungle, you meet tons of charismatic characters, including the father of Otacon! Man, he will probably be all over the game in the… two cutscenes in which he appears physically, and three in which he makes a useful comment… Ok. Oh, man! You have that hot french chick who will probably replace EVA in this game who only appears in… one cutscene, and has the brain of a twelve year old. What about the Villains, Coldman and that Teacher? Only about two cutscenes each, and one final appearance in that one final cutscene?


Bet you don't even remember his voice.

I honestly don’t understand how it is that people call Peace Walker’s plot the best of the bunch. Maybe it’s because they don’t have to scratch their heads around the plot twist, but that doesn’t excuse how much I scratched my head at the unimportance of the events. Fine, there’s a recording with the voice of The Boss, it matters. No, wait, that one was just [SPOILER CENSORED], so now David Hayter can move along, right? Oh wait, there’s a new something that looks like a Metal Gear, and since Big Boss fought one in Portable Ops, it’s now his job to finish every Metal Gear ever. Wait, why am I fighting this whole affair again?

Here’s a fact that unsettled me, before we move on to analyzing the characters:

I could understand the Shagohod, being funded by the Philosopher’s Legacy, but how the hell did they come up with enough money to make four AI weapons with better technology that that one giant robot in the original Metal Gear?

Let’s get to the real problem of Peace Walker: The characters aren’t any better. I already made a point about how little the characters do appear in physical form, but that’s understandable: Snake is constantly on the move, a team of 10 would slow him down. Except, if you CAN’T have 10 guys following Snake around, don’t. The previous games used the Codec as a way to relay plot points to the player without the need of an ever-following character, a detail that was fixed in MGS 4 with the Mk 2 and 3. Except, Snake Eater allowed EVA to constantly meet the player and have interactions with him. And then there’s Pliskin in MGS 2, and Otacon in MGS. Oh, those games are all set in a single, closed base, and Peace Walker is set along a path in which you won’t revisit older locations in the story, right? Well then, do what MGS 4 did!

If you want me to feel like the characters you introduced actually have some screen time, instead of being fillers for a plot point or two, do a Mission Briefing. No, those “audio clips” with easter eggs don’t fit the bill, I need physical evidence that this characters actually matter to the story. People bitch all the time about C3PO unnecessarily being in the Prequel Trilogy, so why not bitch about Huey being unnecessarily in this game? Paz doesn’t appear enough, so I didn’t care about her story, and so when the [SPOILER CENSORED] occurs, I was like “Oh ok, moving on…”, and like I said: Coldman doesn’t have any presence and that one teacher guy only appears a handful of times. From Volgin, who is established again and again as a sadist, and The Boss, to Coldman and that One Teacher Guy, it seems like a step down.


Evil is powerful. My dick is solid.

Finally, the whole plot about making Big Boss emotionally invested in this Peace Walker machine was just a rehash of the Snake Eater plot. It seemed to me like the game was constantly screaming “Remember Snake Eater? That game was great!”, and in numerous occasions it made me put Peace Walker down and grab my copy of MGS 3.

While the game itself is pretty easy, I had forgotten how difficult MGS 4 could get, even with its easy to pick up control scheme. The third person shooting aspect and the crouching element did not make the gameplay of Peace Walker easy and boring: the dumb AI and the straightforward level design did. What this game had in extra content it lacked on everything else. You want to play a version of Peace Walker’s portable aspects that is actually good? Play Portable Ops. You want to play a version of Peace Walker’s control scheme that is difficult? Play Guns of the Patriots. Case in point, the controls didn’t ruin Peace Walker, the shortcomings that had to be done to provide an experience that everyone would enjoy did.

In conclusion: A straightforward plot might be enough for those who are too dumb to follow Sons of Liberty, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good plot: specially when it feels so unimportant and rushed, and the replay value might be good for those who keep bitching that Dead Space 2 was only 6 hours long, but that doesn’t mean the content featured (extensively) is satisfying.

Repetitive Boss Battles and a Dumb Plot Make Gaidenrider a Dull Gamer.

Have a good day.

If bought from the US Origin Store, Mass Effect 3 equals 59.99 dollars
If bought from the Mexican Origin Store, ME 3 equals 499.99 pesos

In case your math is slacking, a quick google search reveals that:

If bought from the MXN Origin Store, ME 3 equals 38.98 dollars

The only downside? It's in spanish (and I would much rather have it in English).

I'm updating this review. For anyone who cares, the demo section is exactly the same here, but there is a noticeable contrast between the Virtuous Mission and Operation Snake Eater: The later feels better. The engine feels native in the later, and while there are framerate drops and considerable slow downs (like playing the game in slowmotion), the bad framerate is not constant, unlike in the former, in the later there are times where the framerate is just as smooth as it was in the original game. It's in those moments where Snake Eater 3D truly feels like it was worth my money, and I now stand by this: If there were no framerate issues, I would give Snake Eater 3D an 8/10 and say it was one of the best ports in recent time. Of course, we all know that's not the case, these framerate issues shouldn't even exist, the mistake was already done by Splinter Cell 3D.

Pros
-Controls are completely the same as in Peace Walker, with the exception that crawling has been retained from Snake Eater 3D.
-Maps are intact, nothing has been altered.
-CQC is completely intact, not unlike the stripped down Peace Walker CQC
-You can select between aiming in Third and First Person, or Auto Aim
-Controls are easy to pick up, unlike the one's in the original Snake Eater, BUT just as hard to master!
-Third Person Shooting and Crouching added to make this more Peace Walkerish. Surprisingly, due to the nature of Snake Eater, Crouching is useless and often times First Person is preferred to Third. Crawling is here, unlike in Peace Walker.
-With headphones, it's just like playing the original Snake Eater

Cons
-Cutscenes look horrible, with constant framerate drops
-GAMEPLAY STUTTERS WHENEVER THERE'S WATER, RAIN, FIRE, EXPLOSIONS, CQC OR A LOT OF MOVING OBJECTS ON SCREEN. THEY APPEAR CONSTANTLY, BUT WHEN THEY DON'T APPEAR THE GAME IS ENJOYABLE. Gameplay stutters when performing CQC throws and hold ups, or when something elaborate occurs (Pain summoning bees)
-THIS IS ONLY TRUE IN THE VIRTUOUS MISSION: Engine doesn't feel native, unlike with Peace Walker in the PSP, it feels more like streaming with OnLive.
-WHILE THIS IS STILL TRUE, I DOESN'T REALLY AFFECT ME AS LONG AS THE FRAMERATE IS ALRIGHT. IT'S PRETTY BAD THAT THERE ARE POPUPS AND A LOT OF TEXTURES LOOK INFERIOR, BUT MODELS AND TERRAIN STILL LOOK AS WELL DONE AS THEY DID. SAME AS PEACE WALKER IN THIS DEPARTMENT. Graphics are horrible, things pop up as you get near them (with the exception of guards, those are always on screen, which is good)
-THE 3D IS NOTICEABLE, AND IN FACT IS GREAT. AIMING IN FIRST PERSON TAKES AWAY THE 3D, WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE, BUT MIGHT GIVE YOU A HEADACHE. OTHERWISE, IT'S GREAT AND IT DETRACTS FROM THE FACT THAT YOU ARE PLAYING SNAKE EATER IN A SMALL SCREEN. 3D is not noticeable outside of menus
-Sound is horribly bad with the 3DS sound system.

Score: 6/10, playable and fun at times, but you know you could spend your money better

I just arrived at Groznij Grad, this is probably the fastest playthrough I've ever done. To be honest, now that I've spent some time with the title, I can say that it's one of the most fun 3DS titles. Still a port, still a dealbreaker that it has such a horrible framerate issue, but when it works it works, and it works great. It's Snake Eater on the go, and it's just as hard as it was on the PS2, the TPS and Crouching additions don't make it any easier, just more accesible. If you take away the framerate issues, this is probably the best Portable MGS that there is. I'm updating the score:

Score: 7/10, great and fun, but a few things might put you off (In this case, a dealbreaking framerate)

If you read the comments for the new image of the MGS Collection on the Vita, you'll find me bitching about Remote Play and what not. So as to not whore the comments there, I'll continue it here.

I had completely forgotten that the PS3 existed. While making the question ("Why does this Vita collection exist if I can just use Remote Play and stream it?), I had forgotten that in order to do that you need to, in fact, have a PS3. I am truly sorry for that.

And then it hit me:

a) The PS Vita is being treated with equal importance to the PS3. Think about it, it has Trophies and Friend Lists, and now it has not a port, but a version of the HD Collection. That means that this could be the first multiplatform title in which the portable and the console version are exactly the same (although the Vita lacks Peace Walker, IMO that's for the better)

b) We will probably see Portable Collections. As in "Play the first two inFamous games in your PS Vita! Buy it now, inFAMOUS: Portable Collection!". Man, I should work for Sony :D