Jim Sterling seems to think that oranges are better than apples and that is just not true. This is probably going to be the shortest rant review on this site, but apples are far better than oranges.

Look at the facts, oranges were great, the first time, but now they are just a boring citrus that we have all had before. We all know citrus is acidic and too much of the same thing is bad for you. But these apples, man are they good. Plus, how many kinds of oranges are there? Like 3? They all taste the same, but there is so much variety in apples from granny smiths to red delicious to curb stompers to grapples. Plus look at the ingredients of most fruit juices, they run on the apple juice engine, the most renowned engine on the market! Apples and the juice they run on is so fucking awesome, way better than oranges and their teeth decaying bullshit and peals.

Go fuck yourself, Jim "Nintendogsexual Banana Loving Sonic Rapist" Sterling apples are so much better!



Sorry about the short amount of time between posts, but I'm sick of people crying about scores like this and comparing games to each other that have nothing in common. It seems like the internet is full of idiots these days and I'm ashamed at the way gamers are reacting to reviews now...disgusted even.

I've been playing Skyrim for a couple of days now and decided to get some eye candy for you guys to swoon over. On my first setting I thought the graphics looked like ball sack, turns out I must have been under the influence of being a hateful bitch that date. The graphics are gorgeous and the gameplay isn't too shabby either. I have these available in 1080p if anyone wants links to download them. Without further a due, I present to you, Skyrim on Xbox 360.


Background / Cover / Description



Skyrim Title Screen



Foggy Forest Wagon Ride as Prisoner



Beautiful Sky, Mountains and Forest



Flowing River Under A Bridge (my favorite, check out the detail on the water / the butterfly in the background)



Check Out That Breast (SFW)



Hunter's Fire Lit Cabin with various animal pelts and his wench



Zombie Wolf!



Snowie Mountain Top Valley View with mace and lightning


Walk Like An Egyptian...?



Foggy Mountain Peak Towering Above Woodlands



My mage in town peering at foggy mountain in 3rd person (sad that you can't see how sexy her mohawk is)

Kirby has been spotted wearing a dress, feathers and turning into a ball of flame, but now in this latest scandal, Kirby has been caught KISSING OTHER MEN! It has always been known that Kirby has an oral fixation / fetish, swallowing any and everything in sight, but now whenever he is seen eating, shortly thereafter he can be spotted kissing men. Most recently he has been spotted on the town sucking face with King Dedede, Meta Knight, doppelganger Kirbys and Waddle Dee.

We contacted Kirby's celebrity friend, Chris Brown, for comment, but upon sitting down for an interview he threw a chair through a window, screaming "Look At Me Nah!" and then ran out the door yelling something about what I assume was a headphone endorsement deal, all that could be made out was "Beats by Chris Brown."



Kirby has always held a special place in my heart, having been the star in one of my favorite original Game Boy games, I mean what's not to love? The game is short, to the point, has very catchy music that is still around in some fashion in Kirby games till this day and always a great speed run to relieve some stress. I feel the game has aged very well for an original Game Boy game.

So of course I purchased Return to Dreamland on day 1. That same night I had a date with a cute boy I had met through "online dating" I guess you would call it, but really it's a GPS based dating app for smart phones. He only lived a couple miles away and is a gamer, but admittedly had only really ever played Tekken and Call of Duty (zombies mode of course) as those were the only games friends and family had played that he found interesting. We hung out at my house and started to watch the movie Trespass "starring" Nicolas Cage and Nichole Kidman doing their finest work of all time... that being said we got distracted and shut off the movie like half way through. I finally had the nerve to ask if he wanted to play Kirby with me. I told him it was a really important game to me and I wouldn't play it with just anyone and stressed my seriousness about it (seriously), we had hung out a few times so it wasn't like I was being weirder than normal.



Moments later, we strapped up and booted up the game as I got really excited during the intro like the little girl that I am, he leaned over on my shoulder (dawwwwwww). We started the first level, I was player one as normal pink Kirby and he was player two as yellow doppelganger Kirby (little known fact, Shigeru Miyamoto originally argued Kirby should be Yellow). We played through a bit figuring out the controls (more like he was figuring them out, Kirby controls haven't changed...ever, because they just work and HAL realize if it isn't broke, don't fix it) and then moved onto a real non-tutorial level. In said "real" level we took some damage, cause you know...it's a Kirby game, you don't die in one hit.

Then it happened... I ran onto a tomato, devouring it instantly, then his yellow Kirby ran into me and WE KISSED! I was like "OH EM GEE" and he was like "What?" and I said "Our Kirbys just kissed!" at which point we kissed <3 Le Sigh! Then we continued to play and kiss when our character's did, it was TEH CUTE!

After a while we started discussing the repercussions of the kissing taking place on screen, as all the characters appear, in a sense, to be male. King Dedede obviously is presented as a male, with the title of King, Meta Knight just looks / sounds / acts manly and Kirby is generally a male name. Waddle Dee on the other hand...who knows, but I don't see boobs. But seriously, is this going to be offensive to some people? I mean...if you consider the characters male, then it's a bunch of men kissing OR regurgitating food between the two like a momma bird and a baby bird. I only find one scenario gross, but who am I to judge, some people just hate chewing.

In reality, are any of these characters actually a specific gender? I don't see any genitals on Kirby or Waddle Dee, nor any other characters in the game. I'm not sure if Kirby has ever been called a he in any of the games, officially, but a quick Google search shows that most people refer to him as a he, as well as Nintendo referring to him as a "little boy" in the Super Star manual.

Why do we find the need to give gender to characters? Can't we just accept Kirby as a sexless being? I understand giving male or female characteristics, at least in the case of King Dedede, though I yearn for a Drag Queen Dedede, how awesome would that be? I mean, technically Nintendo has always been a trend setter when it comes to the lesbian, gay, bi and transgender community, with Birdo, Tingle, Link, those flamboyant guys in the tree from Twilight Princess and lets not forget cross dressing in Animal Crossing.

We figured that most people would over look the fact that all the characters appear to be male and kissing but sooner or later someone will blow it out of proportion. We were all for it, as every time they kissed, we kissed. I <3 Kirby xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo le sigh....

Picture Removed. Felt a bit too personal after the fact and we kind of lost touch :/

[Editors note: I just did a quick edit to add some facts and clean some things up. Sorry for posting a "rough" draft at first, though I'm sure like 1 of you had read this.]

I've started to frequent Reddit recently and have found two threads that I feel need to be discussed here, as I respect a lot of you and would love to hear your opinions on this subject.

EA, in recent years, have started to get the reputation as a company that doesn't care about it's employees, it's customers or fair competition, but are any of these statements true? Can one of the largest video game publishers, if not the largest, really be doing things so underhanded that the only appropriate term for them is evil? The following is evidence supporting this claim...take it for what you will...

Evidence A: EA Customer Support Rep Speaks Out (click evidence A for a copy of the below that can be zoomed in on if you have issues reading it.)


Source Link

Evidence B: Origin Charging People Erroneously


Multiple people are reporting that they are getting charged multiple times or not at all through EA's new service, Origin, for Battlefield 3.

Source Link

I encourage you to observe the evidence provided and come to a conclusion, Do you think EA is evil? /journalism

It seems you can't see Battlefield 3 mentioned without Modern Warfare 3 also being mentioned. It's like the captain of the volleyball team and the head cheerleader being discussed in the boys locker room, surely someone would rather fuck one over the other, everyone has an opinion. Battlefield 3 and Modern Warfare 3, not unlike those high school babes, are both totally fuckable, just people have a preference. It's a blond versus brunettes kind of battle, either way you end up with a sweet pussy, or in this case a sweet multiplayer shooter with a campaign attached. (Or you are like me in high school and end up with the girl who had visions of Jesus and Mary in her living room, pug dog eyes, is technically a dwarf and watched her father try to stab her mother to death with a flat head screwdriver. I guess the equivalent in this case would be Duke Nukem Forever.)

Therefore, the winner is EVERYONE! The fabricated rivalry has done nothing but promote both games consistently in the same breath. As you probably know, at one point modernwarefare3.com redirected to Battlefield 3's site, which is now "corrected" as it the domain is now in it's rightful owners hands, without much fuss about it. EA and Activision both know, like Kanye and Taylor Swift, that ANY press is good press (unless you rape someone... right Mike Tyson?) So why stop the battle? With each passing argument the dollar signs stack up higher and higher in their green greed monster eyes.



There are lots of fanboys who do nothing but troll Battlefield 3 or Modern Warfare 3 sites and forums making comments about how the other is better and will sell more. In all honesty...who gives a fuck? The way I see it is that we all win, either way...the games will sell a bunch and get this...YOU CAN BUY AND LIKE BOTH! I know I will and I don't have to say I like one over the other, especially when NEITHER ARE RELEASED!

That being said, I haven't seen any real proof of one being better than the other, so I offer you this...take it for what you will. BATTLEFIELD 3 vs MODERN WARFARE 3: FIGHT! Cold. Hard. Statistics. Fanboys should run wild with this, but only the stupid ones will, the game comes out at midnight, of course one is going to have more results than the other...

If you stand back and look at online passes from both stand points, you will get a better understanding of them. Game developers work hard and deserve their money, while users shouldn't be punished for wanting to get their games for cheaper. But what are the real reasons behind having these passes?

The first logical reason: piracy



Piracy has always been around since the invention of software. Retailers thought computers wouldn't take off and refused to stock software, therefore piracy was the only way most people had to get their software. These days if you know how to use a computer and read you can easily pirate any form of media on the market. But the thing about online passes...they aren't new, they have been around for years on the PC in a way. PC games and software have been using serials to combat piracy for quite some time, serials are required to receive updates or play online, therefore preventing would be pirates from accessing the full game.

Fast forward to today, consoles have online functionality, but are lacking in the security department. If you can download a game and burn a backup, you get access to online, as there is no other verification besides the game data that you own the game and have the right to play online. PC publishers realized a long time ago that if they give pirates a taste of the game, but prevent them from playing online at the very least, that it may actually encourage them to purchase the game, an extended demo, if you will.

Online passes now make this a reality for consoles, in a sense, but instead of buying the game, you pay $10 to play your pirated copy online. Of course this only really applies to Xbox 360, as Wii has no real security or online passes to speak of (maybe EA games?) and the PS3 has it's online locked down, at least to pirates, as they obviously let hackers in willy nilly.

The second logical reason: cost of bandwidth



The initial purchase of the game covers the costs for the development and advertising of the product, but what about all that bandwidth users eat up? Think of it this way, you own a pet shop, you breed some really fine pussies there, you get a hot new litter of kittens in and sell them to people who adore the quality of your pussies, but then you have to pay to feed those pussies until they die...

This mostly applies to Sony consoles and EA games (the two main offenders) but the cost of bandwidth and online is becoming increasingly expensive. Both Sony and EA have dedicated servers for their games that users can freely access, and without a paid online service for either of them, it's like throwing money into a fire. Xbox Live, on the other hand, makes users host games, not giant server clusters...which makes you wonder...why do we continue to pay for Xbox Live...oh that's right, Twitter and Facebook integration... (NOTE: Gears of War 3 has dedicated servers, as well as a few other AAA titles.)

Sony charges publishers for their bandwidth used towards download content, reportedly 18 cents per gigabyte. Notice how few demos there are on PSN when compared to the Xbox Live Marketplace, now you know why. To a publisher, it can be very costly to release a demo on PSN, especially if the game flops. You can't blame Sony for their approach, they don't make people pay to play online, so they have to get their money somewhere, so they go to the publishers and shit is starting to roll down hill to the players.

But does Logic Prevail?

Is it right to punish the user for buying a used game? Near launch it makes sense as the servers are still up and active and they have mouths to feed, but months after release...no. As a gamer you have to realize if you purchase a game months after it has released the online community will be nearly non-existant unless it's a AAA title. So before you cry about online passes, remember, it's a choice you are making if you purchase it, you don't have to.

Batman: Arkham City has some cat women content on the disc that is unlocked for those that purchase the game new, with used consumers having to pony up $10 for that content. It equates to having launch day download content, as it adds trophies and achievements on top of the normal limit. I really don't see a problem with doing this, no one complains about paying for download content down the line that they missed out on cause they didn't pre-order the game, and the same should be the case here.

The Eventual Solution

Soon everything will go digital and will not require you to leave the house to get the latest game, something pirates already have the conveinance of. If the video game industry needs to change anything, they NEED to go digital, It's better for everyone involved. The industry needs to look at the music and movie industry and learn from their pasts. Today ITunes, Spotify, and Netflix reign supreme, people want what they want, and they want it now. Microsoft and Sony have been offering digital versions of their games, but only months after release, which kind of defeats the purpose.

The next generation consoles need to be 100% digital, it impacts piracy, cost of manufacturing discs, and is conveinant for the end user. Look at Steam, you can access your games anywhere, it's magical. Now imagine doing the same thing with the next generation Xbox, now imagine that next generation Xbox streaming the game like OnLive does...can you see it...IT'S THE FUTURE! And that, my friends, is my "Cable Guy" like prediction.