In the first Infamous, Cole MacGrath was a regular guy. He was shady, gritty, and more human than most meta-humans in any other game or comic universe. He was one of us.

But not anymore.

Introducing Cole "Nathan Drake" MacGrath, the hero of Infamous 2. Straight out of French indie film, this new Cole is the epitome of stereotypical super-hero douche. He's handsome, he's smug and sarcastic. Sucker Punch says: "He's more appealing." IGN reported that Sucker Punch redesigned Cole so that players would care more about Cole and be able to relate to him more.

F*** APPEALING.

What the hell is wrong with you people? I cared about the original Cole MacGrath! So what if the old Cole wasn't a typical super-hero? That's what made him unique. He was like a quietly pissed off truck driver, with electro-kinetic badassery. The Infamous 2 Cole wasn't redesigned so players would care about him, he was redesigned to sell more copies of Infamous 2. Way to sell out Sucker Punch.


I'm pretty sure I know how this went down.
Picture with me if you will, a group of suits sitting in a conference room:

Suit #1: "He guys, Cole is cool but he's not sexy. Let's make him look like Super-man and more people will buy our game."
Suit #2: "Let's make him more edgy!"
Suit #3: "But old Cole was alright the way he was."
Suit #1: "Nah. Let's make him FRESH!"
Suit #2: "Yeah! Let's throw some tattoos on him to make him more appealing for a younger audience."
Suit #3: "But..."
Suit #1: "AMAZING! Let's just fire the old voice actor, get a new one and completely redesign him!"
Suit #2: "Let's make him look French!! Freshy French!!"
Suit #3: "Wait...hold on..."
Suit #1: "You know what's cool too? ICE POWERS!"
Suit #2: "ZOMG ICE POWERS!!!!111!!!!11"
Suit #3: "But...Cole is electricity based. That doesn't even make sense."
Suit #1: "It doesn't have too, it's the new Cole!!
Suit #2: "NEW COLE!! NEW COLE!!"
Suit #3: "I quit."


Have we reached the point of no return? Are super hero's destined to remain this way forever? Can we not move forward and picture a world where a super-hero isn't judged by his/her appearance, but rather the size of their heart? Corny I know, but Cole was more human than Nathan Drake will ever be. It's sad, really. Sucker Punch had a champion that was unlike most super-heroes we've ever seen, and they killed him off. He got killed off by a male magazine model with tats and ice powers.

In fact from now on, the new Cole MacGrath will be referred to as "Nathan." Do you hear me Sucker punch!! NATHAN!!! (As you read this, please imagine Ethan Mars screaming it at a crowded super-mall with lots of balloons getting in your way.)

Ah, Who am I kidding. Sex sells. Busty scantily clad heroine wonder women and over-muscular spiky haired super-men are the norm. Better strap myself in cause it's gonna be a long ride till we get where I'd like our society to be.


This post is in memory of Cole MacGrath. You will be missed.

R.I.P. Cole MacGrath (May 26, 2009 - TBA 2011)

This post will be the first of many that will include obscene language and harsh realities. Most importantly it will be a post of truth. Cast aside your inner fanboy and learn to hate the games you love. It's time for The Banhammer to be dropped on:

Halo 3.

It blows. (Incoming fan boy hate mail in 3...2...1...) I don't think many people realized this when the game dropped oh so many years ago, but I thought it appropriate to re-examine the game that refuses to die.

Admit it. Everyone had their eyes glazed over for Bungie's "Return of the King." It was the fight to finish all fights. Remember? WRONG.

This is not Peter Jackson's Halo sonny Jim.

We were all so blinded by the fact that we could play as the Chief one more time, we forgot stop geeking all over ourselves and realize the harsh truth. Halo 3 is nothing compared to Halo 2. "Gasp!" you say?! It is true, and all you fan boys (myself included) should admit it. The campaign, the maps, the multiplayer...all fail in comparison.

Halo 2's gameplay mechanics were far more balanced than all of Halo 3's bells and whistles combined. I'd rather have better gameplay then better bump-mapping any day. Believe it or not kids, you could actually play Halo 2 on Xbox Live, jump in a warthog, and not get lasered to death after 2 seconds! Also, I could hop in a match and not worry about lagging out because that is jus................




///We're sorry, your blog post has temporarily lagged out due to Bungie's shitty servers. Please wait a moment while we try to fix this problem. In the mean time, please get owned by the enemy team who has host and every available advantage that you do not! Thanks! Pardon our dust. K bye. Love Bungie.\\\




If you play Halo 3 without witnessing the enemy team warp spastically through the air, you should count yourself lucky, as you are the only person to experience such a thing. You sir/ma'am are an anomaly. You should jump out of your seat and attempt to start flying around like Neo. Right now. Bend your back at a 90 degree angle and flail your arms around as you dodge bullets and fight nothing but men in business suits.



Exhibit A:


(Image taken from P H0P's Halo 3 screenshot gallery on Bungie.net)

Exhibits B-Z:


(Granted, these guys had a crappy connection, but it still sums up the general lag issue of Halo 3 quite nicely. Taken from iansansot on youtube.com.)

Honestly, I understand adding new features for Halo 3 but every time I've played online, I've had to stop myself from breaking the damn disc in half or using it as a f*ckin' frisbee. At least in Halo 2 I could count on my target to not lag everywhere. Seriously, when you create a game that's a bunny hoppers paradise, you need to make sure your game is lag free. (Hope you're taking tips for Reach Bungie.)
Now, aside from Halo 3's lagtacular (I like puns) experience in multiplayer mayhem, lets take a look at the experience system.



ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME??



1 experience per match. Woops! I mean 1 experience per a WON match. Not only do you have to sell your soul to this game to level up, but you have to WIN too? What about the average gamer who does bath and likes to see daylight every once in a while? I'd like to shake the hand of the man who came up with this EXP system...only after I stick my hands in some biochemical super weapon that instantly catches anything I touch on fire. What person in their right mind would conceive of such a concept.

And yet, people still continue to play Halo 3.

Aside from the downloadable maps, I honestly don't know why it wont die. If I wasn't so sure that the game would re-materialize out of thin air once I put it in my shredder, I would have traded it by now. Bungie's mother of all bombs refuses to release me from it's cold grasp of pain and anguish. I'll play it once a few months and have this odd thought in my head: "Maybe it'll be different. Maybe It'll be like old times and I'll have fun...REAL FUN!!" Then after getting my 2 minute fill of Halo 3 multiplayer charm, I'll take the disc out, shout out a few obscenities and cast it back into the dark shelf from which it came.

As I'm sure I've made so many new friends from this post, I think it's time we closed the chapter on Halo 3 at least for now. I could go further into detail about all of this, but I just don't have the time or the patience. As you see, I have other games to play rather than Halo 3. As should you!



HALO 3
[]== []== []== []== []==
receives 3/5 Banhammers
(5/5 = worst game ever made, 0/5 = God himself made this game)

==[] The Banhammer []==


(Title image taken from TheArchAngel666's Halo 3 screenshot gallery on Bungie.net.)